


I Knew I Loved You Then

by n3verthink



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Group Trip, Homecoming, Marriage, Multi Chapter, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2018-12-06 05:06:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11593542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n3verthink/pseuds/n3verthink
Summary: Clarke Griffin was sick of being the predictable one. The one who took care of everyone who had too much fun, the one who spent most of her time preparing for her future instead of enjoying her present, the one who felt pressured to be anything but herself. The only thing that ever took her out of her comfort zone was her best friend's older brother and the massive crush she developed for him.When her father suddenly dies she loses all hope until a found letter tells her it's time to really start living. She becomes the unpredictable one and leaves everything else behind. 3 years later it's time for her to go back home and face the problems she once had and the people she let down the most.





	1. Not Going Home - DVBBS

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my very first bellarke fic and I'm super excited/nervous to share it with you. The writing will probably be horrible but that's okay I just like to write for fun and for my love for the 100. So sorry in advance but I do hope you like it xo
> 
> I'm naming my chapter titles after songs I think kind of set the tone of the chapter and I'll be probably explaining some things after each chapter that I feel like should be explored more. This will be a multichapter long fluffy smutty angsty mess of a story so stick it out with me!

Sunday’s in the city were almost like something out of a cheesy rom-com, especially in the spring. Any trace of winter had finally disappeared and New York was livelier than ever. Of course, New York was always lively - with tourists - but something about warmer weather and sunshine brought the New Yorkers out of hibernation from their high rise apartments. Sidewalks were lined with small café tables filled with couples, friends, and families enjoying their Sunday brunch. Others were in and out of boutiques and their apartment buildings dressed in their designer sundresses, polos, and sandals. Spring brought out happiness. 

Clarke rolled her eyes as she passed by these things. She stuffed her earbuds in her ears, pressed play on her phone, and let her shitty electronic music drown the sounds of birds chirping and people laughing. She didn’t want to admit that the sun felt good on her skin or that the wind blowing through her blonde locks did make her feel good. She sighed to herself as she stopped at the corner on the street looking both ways for traffic. Most New Yorkers ignored the walk/don’t walk signals. She made her way across when the coast was clear and entered Central Park at the East 90th entrance. 

She tied her hair back in a ponytail, pulled up her shorts a bit, and stretched out her legs on a bench nearby. Next thing she knew she was off. Running had become her outlet. It was something people from her past would laugh at if they knew she was doing it now. To be quite honest, exercise was gross but it did make her feel better.

After a couple miles, something…rather someone caught her eye. She yelped softly and ducked behind an ice cream cart. There she was; Lexa. She couldn’t miss the long brown hair that had brushed against her cheek so many times this past year. Her cellphone was glued to her ear and she watched her talk fast and intently gesturing her free hand. It’s been two weeks since the break-up. Apparently Lexa got offered a job promotion and Clarke wasn’t as excited about it as she was. Lexa worked too much already and adding more responsibilities were just going to strain their relationship even more. When she ended it Lexa told her she needed to grow up and take life more seriously. It’s funny because growing up she was told to take it less seriously, but that was her life; an ongoing tangled mess. 

Clarke turned on her heel before she was spotted and ran a different way. Avoidance is what she does best.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her apartment was small for the Upper East Side, but it was cute. She moved there about 3 years ago when her cousin, Leah, invited her to move in with her. Invited meaning she took her in after Clarke decided to run away from the place she once called home. 

Distracted in her thoughts and loud music blasting in her ears still, she reached into the fridge to grab one of her bottled smoothies. She closed the fridge door and jumped when she saw a figure sitting at the small kitchen table. She ripped the earbuds out of her ear and put her hand up to her chest.

“What the- mom, you scared the shit out of me.”

Her mom gave her a look, “language, Clarke.”

Clarke leaned up against the door frame nearby, “Sorry” she said quietly. “What are you doing here?”

“A mother can’t simply visit her daughter?”

“Without calling me or letting me know? Not particularly. Mom I work all week.” Clarke added and then took a sip of her drink, wiping her mouth with her sleeve after. A look of confusion crossed her face, “How did you even get in here?”

“I caught Leah on her way to work.”

Clarke made her way over to the table and sat across from her mother. There was an intense silence between them. Abby Griffin was always intense. Clarke was pressured most of her life from her mom who just wanted her to work hard. In all honestly Clarke thought she just wanted her to be perfect and it got to be too much. Her mom was chief of surgery at the local hospital back home in Arkadia, North Carolina. Well, home isn’t much of Arkadia’s description anymore according to Clarke. She had no plans of going back. 

She’d only seen her mom a couple times in the three years since she moved. Abby barely got any time off and wasn’t that fond of the city life, and that’s why Clarke is so suspicious of this “surprise” visit. For the first time in a while though she saw something different in her mom’s face. It was happiness. She hadn’t seen that since before her dad passed away.

Abby finally broke the silence, breaking Clarke from her thoughts. “I have some news and I just wanted to tell you in person.”

A rush of worry fell into Clarke’s stomach, “Oh my god, you’re dying.”

Abby laughed softly and grabbed her hand across the table and shook her head no. “Marcus asked me to marry him.”

There it was, the happiness. Marcus Kane had been a family friend her whole life and he started dating her mother about a year after she left. She knew this day would come eventually. She sighed and nodded smiling.

“That’s really great mom.”

“We don’t have any big wedding plans. It will probably just be papers and a party, something simple.”

Oh no, Clarke thought to herself, She’s going to want me to come home.

Her mom began to speak again, “I know you don’t have any intentions on coming home but it would mean a lot of you came.”

How does she do that? Clarke cleared her throat and let go of her mom’s hand. “You’re not having a big wedding…if it’s just papers mom..I don’t really need to be there..” she trailed off avoiding her mom’s eye contact.

Abby was clearly irritated at this, “Well if you won’t come home for me at least come home for your father.”

Clarke shot her a look of confusion mixed with some sadness, “What do you mean?”

“We decided to downsize, move into a house of our own, and I thought you’d want to go through your stuff and your father’s stuff at the house. You know, find things you want to keep.”

“You’re just going to throw out dad’s stuff?”

“No…we’ll donate. Clarke, I have no use for it anymore.”

Clarke could feel heat flush into her cheeks. Her mom was officially replacing her dad and she wasn’t happy.

“Don’t start Clarke.”

“Stop! Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Knowing what I’m thinking or feeling!”

When Clarke’s dad passed, it put a heavy strain on her and Abby’s relationship. Jake Griffin was the peace maker between them already and when he was gone all hell broke loose. Abby wanted Clarke to go to a prestigious medical school and do something grand with her life. She seemed to completely ignore how much her dad’s death destroyed her motivation to do anything remotely productive. Clarke did want to be in the medical field but she didn’t want to turn into the woman her mother was. Her dad just wanted her to experience life anyway she chose to. It was one of the many reasons she moved to New York.

Abby chose not to argue with her, for once. She looked at Clarke and rested her chin in her hand on the table, “So?”

Clarke slumped in her chair and crossed her arms across her chest. She couldn’t resist anything that had to do with her dad and her mom knew that. She was good.

“When do I have to get the stuff out by?”

“Our new house will be ready in June.” 

Clarke had a month to suck it up and fly home.

“Fine, I’ll find a weekend I can come and get what I can but I’m really busy mom.”

“I know, but the fact that you will come is enough for me.” Abby smiled sweetly almost tearing up a little.

Clarke sighed and got up from her chair to hug her mother. 

“And mom?”

“Hmm?”

“No one knows when I come alright?”

Abby sighed and pulled away from the hug looking at her daughter, “You should see everyone..you never know when you’ll be ba-“

“Mom”

“Okay, fine. No one will find out.”


	2. Sense of Home - Harrison Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if these first two chapters seem rushed! I have so many ideas I want to get to that the set up the story itself is kind of all over the place. I'm also sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes. This is my first time really branching out with a story and I have no one editing either. I really hope you guys enjoy this one xoxo

Two weeks after Abby left Clarke pushed the idea of going back home out of her head. She knew she had to but she had been so busy lately with work and her friends that she hasn’t put much thought into it. Memorial Day weekend was coming up and all she was focused on was taking a break from her rushed busy life getting drunk upstate with all her city friends. 

She was an assistant director at a gallery uptown and her boss, Indra the owner of the gallery, had been on “business trips” the last couple weeks leaving her to schedule showings and deal with clients by herself. It has barely given her anytime to paint much herself to sell. 

Indra was coming back today and Clarke was of course running late. She was pouring the contents of the coffee pot into her mug when Leah shuffled sleepily into the kitchen, “Morning.”

Clarke looked up and smiled, “Good Morning!” Next thing she knew she over poured and the coffee splashed up onto her shirt. Her smile faltered quickly and she set down the coffee pot.

“I’m already over today and I woke up twenty minutes ago..” she sighed and Leah giggled.

“It’s your last day of work before vacation, I believe in you. See you tonight?”

“Yep, I’m going to need a shot or seven I’d say.” She cleaned up the mess and slipped back into her room to change her shirt.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Uber stopped outside the gallery and Clarke stepped out hesitantly. There was a moving truck parked in front and people carrying some of the art pieces into the back. She clutched her bag tighter against her and headed inside. The gallery was almost empty and Indra was signing some papers for one of the movers when she spotted Clarke.

“I can explain!” she started towards her with a worried look across her face. “There had been a mix up with renewing the lease..”

“And?” Clarke bit her bottom lip.

“And I’m in the process of finding a new place for the gallery. Clients are not going to be happy but we can’t stay here. It’s already been bought. I should’ve told you Clarke but I didn’t think they’d actually kick us out of here from a silly mistake.” Indras phone began ringing in her hand and she tried to ignore it.

“What kind of silly mistake are we talking?”

“Oh you know I just forgot to sign some things,” Before Clarke could react, Indra answered the ringing phone and hurried away.

Clarke carried one of her art pieces 30 blocks back to her apartment analyzing what just happened. She didn’t have a job until Indra could figure out a new location. She said she could still sell her pieces online but it wasn’t going to be enough for the cost of living in the city.

This day was turning out to be one of the worst in a while. If she could take anything from this it’s that she needs to go face her problems back home. In the last couple years Clarke had become a big believer in universal signs and today was definitely one of them. Besides, when things go wrong she loves running away and fixing them later.

She cancelled her plans with her friends for the week deciding to not tell Leah she had lost her job but that she needed to go home for her dad. It would be nice to take a break from the city but she wishes it was upstate blacked out somewhere instead of being reminded of her dad’s death and her mother’s new life. It had to be done eventually. That night she bought her plane ticket for the next morning, packed up some stuff, and told her mom she was ready to come home.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The plane ride was smooth but Clarke’s nerves got the best of her. She hadn’t been home in a little over three years since just after her dad’s death. She had left without a trace not even saying goodbye to her family or her friends. She figured it she had to keep in contact with her mom so as soon as she had gotten a new phone she explained to her mom that it was just time to move on with her life and so should she. When Clarke thinks about it…she may be the factor that led her mom to go right into the arms of Marcus Kane. 

He wasn’t a bad guy but the whole situation had rubbed her the wrong way. Kane had been part of their lives since she can remember and now he was going to be her step-dad. Clarke shuddered at the thought. After she landed and retrieved her bag of course her mom sent him to pick her up.

He was cautious at first, understanding the awkwardness of the whole situation for Clarke. He took her bag for her and they stood there quietly.

“Hi” she said softly. He smiled and pulled her in for a hug. She hugged back a smile sliding across her face, a sense of home rushing over her. Just because she was 22 and moved up the coast didn’t mean she didn’t need parent- _al figures_ anymore (she refused to call Kane a parent).

He spoke up clearing her from her thoughts, “We are so excited to have you here this week. Your mom made me stock the fridge with all your favorites. How long are you staying anyway?”

They started for the car and Clarke crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged, “That is unknown at the moment.” Kane nodded not pressing any further.

“I’m guessing mom’s at the hospital?”

He nodded. “I’m taking you straight there if that’s okay? She can’t wait to see you.”

“Of course,” she let out a soft laugh and sunk down in the passenger seat as Marcus pulled out of the parking garage.

Not much had changed about Arkadia. A few new places downtown and some classic old ones we’re nowhere to be seen but it was still typical, beautiful Arkadia. It was never the town that drove her away just the idea of it and the people in it. 

Marcus dropped her off in front of the hospital so she could meet her mom for lunch. Instead of going straight to her office she took a detour to the third floor. She took a deep breath getting off the elevator and made her way to the room she spent so much time in a few years before. It was empty but she stood outside and imagined her father’s last moments having to be spent in such a dreaded place. He was diagnosed with the cancer when she was 19 and died only a couple of weeks later.  


She had spent every moment she could in the hospital room instead of focusing on herself or her future. The hospital brought her down so much that any thought of working in a medical setting made her sick to her stomach. The only thing that truly got her through it all was becoming a new person all together; moving to a new place, making new friends, picking up drawing and painting, and of course partying..lots of partying. 

“Clarke?” she snapped back to reality and looked towards the familiar voice. Raven. She was just as beautiful as ever, “Clarke? Oh my god, what are you doing here?”

Clarke couldn’t help but smile at her old friend. They both found themselves racing to one another and crashing into a tight hug. Raven had been her friend only a couple years before she took off coming into her life in an unusual circumstance. Clarke ended up being the other woman to the first guy she loved…Raven was the main woman if not already guessed.

“I’m here for a few days helping mom and Kane with the move.” Raven’s smile got a little less bright and she reached up and rubbed Clarke's arm slightly.

“How’re you feeling about the whole wedding thing?” she asked softly. Clarke took this time to really study her as she had a lab coat on with the hospitals logo on it. She must talk to her mom a lot if she works here. Clarke shrugged.

“Feeling something,” she laughed softly and then she gestured towards her coat. Raven looked down and nodded, “Yep you’re looking at the best damn medical engineer this hospital has ever seen.”

Clarke smiled, “That’s amazing Rae, I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks! Listen, I have to get back to work but give me your number. I wanna see you more before you go to catch up.” Clarke nodded and reached into her bag, she handed Raven a business card from the gallery.

“Ooooh fancy pants Griffin, thatta girl.” Raven giggled and Clarke knew it wasn’t in a mocking tone. She half expected all her friends to hate her but here Raven was acting like she always had. 

“Just make sure you text me okay?” Raven nodded. She hadn’t wanted to see anyone but standing in front of Raven really made her miss the closeness they once all had. 

Raven turned on her heel to leave but turned back again a little bit down the hall, “Hey, Clarke?”

Clarke glanced her way, “Yeah?”

“Get off the third floor.” She smiled softly nodding towards her dad’s hospital room and then disappeared around the corner. Clarke smiled and bit her lip. They were all there for her when he got sick and look how she repaid them. The guilt started to settle in the pit of her stomach and her smile fell. She decided to take Raven’s advice and go find her mom now.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“DAMNIT,” Jasper dropped the controller in his hand and glared over at Monty and Miller high fiving.

“It was 2 on 1 and completely unfair,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Jasper to be fair you did brag you could kick both of their asses by yourself,” Harper replied giggling softly.

Jasper rolled his eyes and spoke up a little louder, “Well I wouldn’t have to if SOMEONE would come be my partner.” The four of them turned around from the TV and looked towards the sliding glass back door where Bellamy was leaning out of sipping his beer. He was deep in thought looking at the sky, missing everything they said.

“Hey big brother.” Bellamy jumped a little shaking off his thoughts and turned to see Octavia right behind him and everyone else staring at him. “What?”

“Stop being so boring, you’re the one who invited us over,” Octavia replied.

He smiled and ran his fingers through his hair swiftly, “Sorry, I just feel off tonight.”

The door to Bellamy and Miller’s apartment swung open and Raven came through carrying a big brown paper bag. Octavia stepped up to help her and put the bag on the counter of the kitchen that joined the living area. Miller watched as the two pulled out the two large liquor bottles from the bag, “We getting rowdy tonight Reyes? It’s only Tuesday.”

“I know it wasn’t the plan but I have some news and I figured I’d bring some reinforcements,” she smiled uncomfortably. They all turned to look at Raven. She slid her hands into the front pocket of her Arkadia Med sweatshirt and bit her lip, “Clarke’s in town.”

They all stayed silent for a moment until Octavia grabbed the tequila bottle off the counter and walked into another room. Raven shrugged and looked down. Harper went after Octavia. Miller, Monty, and Jasper stayed put and Bellamy held his breath for a second looking back outside the door, “Yup, I knew something was off.”

  


\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke flipped on her light switch and the purple walls burned into her eyes. She giggled at the sight of her room. It was exactly how she left it. Her drawings on the wall, achievements from school, and her giant picture collage shaped into a heart above her bed. She trailed her fingers along the top of her dresser looking at all her trinkets and old jewelry. She placed her luggage next to her bed and sat down on the edge. Sighing, she fell backwards laying her head down on one of her old stuffed bears.  


She glances over at the collage of pictures. The faces in those pictures were all once her whole world but they were the very people she’s been avoiding for three years. It was nothing personal. That group of friends was the best group of friends anyone could ask for but Clarke wanted so much more from life. She knew she couldn’t fully live up to her potential unless she left everything and everyone behind.

Raven looked genuinely happy to see her and she would be lying if she said she didn’t feel the same. She missed her, she missed all of them, and there was nothing more she wanted to do than to see them. It wasn’t that simple. She knew she hurt them by leaving and disappearing completely. She knew they would be angry thinking she no longer cared for them and that hurt her. So much time had gone by she just stuck to pretending they didn’t exist because it was best for all of them; for Jasper, for Monty, for Miller, for Raven, and for everyone else in between. It was best for Octavia and of course, Bellamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be all flashbacks to how they all got to where they are. I struggled with how I wanted to set up the story but I really want you all to be in on everything that happened so the rest of the story is really enjoyable without questioning anything. Stay tuned!


	3. Start of Time - Gabrielle Aplin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally planning on making a long long chapter highlighting each year of Bellamy and Clarke's relationship with one another, but it was getting too long for my liking so I decided to split it up into 2 chapters and then continuing the rest of the story in present day in the second half of the flashbacks. So hopefully this holds everyone over for now!

**13 & 16**

Clarke has known Octavia since she was a baby. They were the same age only a couple months apart. Clarke’s mom was just starting her residency at the hospital after her birth and Octavia’s mom, Aurora, worked as a nursing assistant. The two had met in Arkadia Med’s daycare facility where Octavia had pulled Clarke’s hair, was forced to apologize to a crying Clarke, and they were inseparable ever since. Bellamy was three years older than them and he picked on Clarke terribly. At least she knew where Octavia got her hair pulling from. She couldn’t stand him, but of course if the Griffins were going on vacation and Octavia was coming…so was Bellamy. She couldn’t escape him. It wasn’t until Clarke transitioned into her teenage years and Bellamy hit the age of 16 that she started seeing him a bit differently. 

Octavia and Clarke had set up a movie night just the two of them in the Blake living room filled with food, blankets, and High School Musical. About ten minutes into the movie Bellamy burst through the front door laughing with Nathan Miller. He had become a regular in Clarke and Octavia’s lives recently since him and Bellamy became best friends. 

“Told you I could beat you here Miller, you’re not as in shape as you think you are. How do you expect to become a damn cop some day?” He shut the door behind them and tossed the basketball he was holding into the chair next to the girls. Clarke jumped and Octavia was glaring at them for interrupting. 

“Shut it Blake,” Miller scowled and sat in the chair that Bellamy threw the ball in. 

Bellamy grinned at Octavia and leaned over to ruffle her hair, “Mom working?”

“Overnight, now be quiet so we can hear Zac Efron sing!” He rolled his eyes and left the room completely ignoring Clarke, which wasn’t that uncommon. Miller smiled at her when he left. She always really liked Miller. He was a sweetheart and was easy to talk to especially when Bellamy and Octavia were at each other’s throats for some dumb reason of the week.

Bellamy returned a few minutes later fresh out of the shower. He was just wearing a pair of basketball shorts and it was the first time Clarke really saw his muscle definition coming through his arms and chest. Clarke adjusted in her seat and made sure not to look any harder than she already had except he didn’t make it easy. Since Clarke was on the side of the couch closest to Miller he squeezed in right next to her putting his arm up behind her on the back of it. She could feel his body heat next to her and she swallowed hard.

“Yeah, no we’re not watching this” his voice brought her back to reality.

“You’re right, we’re not…but me and Clarke are.” Octavia was glaring at him again. Bellamy leaned forward a little and grabbed the remote sitting on the table in front of them. 

“Bellamy come onnn! Can’t we just enjoy a movie without you annoying us?!”

“Oh you’re one to talk you’ve been annoying me for as long as I can remember.”

Clarke glanced over at Miller and he shook his head back at her in disbelief. Here we go. She smiled to herself and glanced down to her lap, eyeing Bellamy from the side as him and Octavia went back and forth. Bellamy had antagonized Clarke since she can remember but right now all she could think of was the good in him; the times he did care for her and Octavia, the times he told them stories and shared his thoughts on people and high school and just life. Plus, he was pretty cute. Cute? She was thirteen, what did she really know? His laugh startled her out of her thoughts again and she looked over at him. He glanced from Octavia to her and smiled so perfectly at her. Yeah…he was really cute and she officially had a crush on Bellamy Blake.

**14 & 17**

Her crush didn’t go away like she originally thought it would. In fact, as they were growing up it had gotten worse. It didn’t help that now when Bellamy picked on her for everything it naturally came off a little flirty. Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she didn’t have butterflies when she was rolling her eyes at Bellamy for calling her a princess. Of course Bellamy was dating anything with nice legs and boobs, but surprisingly Clarke never got jealous. Most nights Bellamy was out on a date he’d come right back home and hang out with her and Octavia. Nothing ever became serious out of these girls. 

One night Clarke and Octavia had fallen asleep early talking about Octavia’s new crush Atom. When Clarke woke up Octavia’s alarm clock read 1:33 am. She tried to make herself comfortable again but was failing miserably. There were some faint voices she heard beyond the bedroom door and she figured Bellamy was out in the living room. She sighed and decided to crawl out of bed and go see what he was up to. When she tip-toed her way out Bellamy was sprawled out across the couch with one of his arms back behind his head. He looked up at her.

“Can’t sleep,” she crossed her arms and bit her lip. He nodded and moved up so she had room to sit. He was watching a historical documentary and she looked at the screen with confusion.

He laughed softly and shook his head when she glanced over, “You’d think you’d like stuff like this since you go to bed at eight o’clock, grandma.” She narrowed her eyes.  
“I like getting enough rest…it makes me feel good.”

“Sure it does, but listen princess how do you expect to have any fun before eight o’clock every night? That’s when the fun starts.”

She shrugged and crossed her legs underneath her, “I have plenty of fun the hours I’m awake.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Like what?”

She paused, thinking. “Uhh like sometimes I paint or draw. Y – you can’t do that in the dark.”

He laughed softly and turned his attention back to the television. Clarke got this from all of her friends. She had always been pretty shy and to herself unless she had to be more outgoing. She didn’t mind being the one to watch over her friends when they got themselves into trouble. She liked relaxing and going to bed early and watching the morning news before school or even in the summer. Oh god, she was a grandma. She shook her thoughts and paid more attention to the documentary. Twenty minutes in her and Bellamy were going back and forth on proper historical inaccuracies. It was nice and soon it became routine when she slept over at their house. Being up late with Bellamy made her feel like she might be having a little more fun even if it involved history, but being around Bellamy was fun. 

Their late nights didn’t stop when Bellamy finally started dating a girl, but instead they were also filled with Bellamy venting to Clarke about his current dilemma. The girl he started seeing’s name was Echo. She was a year younger than Bellamy but she also so happened to be one of Octavia’s friends. They decided to keep their new relationship to themselves except for right now as he is telling Clarke. Clarke listened, knowing she had to keep this secret from her best friend, but listened none the less. They didn’t talk much outside the realm of history so she would take what she could get. As she was listening though, she noticed a tightness in her stomach and a pull in her heart; jealousy. It killed her Bellamy was settling for some girl but what could she do. He still acted like he wanted nothing to do with her when they weren’t watching documentaries.

The relationship with Echo lasted a couple months. Octavia eventually found out and Clarke eventually got used to the tightness in her chest at Bellamy happy with another one of Octavia’s friends. However, when the relationship did end it was a messy one. Bellamy didn’t much care about anyone’s feelings besides Octavia’s and Echo was devastated by the break up. So much so, she told Octavia they shouldn’t be friends anymore which led to a classic Bellamy/Octavia brawl and later a crying Octavia making Clarke promise she would never date her brother. Clarke laughed at the statement but promised anyway. All her friends knew about her crush but there weren’t many girls that didn’t have a crush on Bellamy Blake. Besides, in reality Clarke and Bellamy didn’t really get along well by choice so there was no chance they would ever date. Ever.

**15 & 18**

High School brought a lot of changes. Octavia started dating and sneaking out against Bellamy’s wishes. They had met Harper who took a quick liking to Monty. Bellamy and Miller were seniors and top dogs at the school while the rest were at the bottom. Octavia’s new rebellious stage had stemmed from the fact that Bellamy wouldn’t let any of them in on where the parties were. He didn’t want to babysit his sister and her friends. So Octavia took it upon herself to have her own fun. Unfortunately that meant kind of leaving Clarke in the dust. Clarke never had any interest in going out, or drinking, or the party scene itself. She was never heartbroken when weekend after weekend Bellamy had said no to them coming along with him to a party. She felt insecure about the scene and how not in control of herself or the situation she would be if she did decide to drink and loosen up a little. So, she stuck to what she knew best, staying in and seeing her friends when they were just hanging out or going to the beach or hiking. 

One night Octavia got busted with some weed that Jasper had grown for her and not by Bellamy but by their mom. She was sentenced to house arrest for two weeks and the one condition was even Clarke wasn’t allowed over. Even Clarke like she wasn’t a threat to Octavia’s innocence (sigh). Clarke was actually happy with the house arrest because Octavia wanted to calm down and see more of her best friend which led to having to sneak Clarke in the house. The most rebellious thing Clarke has done in her life besides the time she stole a crayon in kindergarten because she thought it was the prettiest color. There was the perfect amount of ledges on the side of the house leading to Bellamy’s window to climb up. She did what she was told and landed hard when she fell through it. Bellamy stood over her and smirked as she rubbed her arm. 

“Rough landing princess? Thought you would be much more graceful.” She couldn’t help but smile at this.

He lent his hand out to her and she took it lifting herself up. She smiled up at him and neither of them let go of each other’s hand.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, O needs to keep the good influences in her life. Thank you for you know,” he stuttered over his words awkwardly, “being a good friend...to her.”

She smiled and bit her lip, “What can I say? Maybe having a grandma as a friend is actually a good thing.”

He laughed softly and ran his free hand through his hair, “Still think you should have a little more fun Clarke, maybe leave Octavia out of it though.”

Someone cleared their throat and they both let go quickly to see Octavia standing in the doorway, “Congrats Clarke you’ve officially become a badass.” Octavia smirked and grabbed her arm pulling her out of Bellamy’s door. Clarke took one last glance at him and smiled. Maybe she and Bellamy could be friends someday. 

**16 & 19**

Just after Octavia’s sixteenth birthday her mother had suddenly passed in a car accident on her way home from a double shift. Aurora’s death took a toll on both Octavia and Bellamy. Bellamy was just good at not showing his feelings. He claimed it was because he was mature now having to work full time and provide for his little sister. Of course he was still same old Bellamy, maybe even a little cockier with his newfound responsibilities but something inside of him was broken and it was only a matter of time before it came out. Octavia on the other hand had been somewhat of a mess for months now, she was getting better but Bellamy wanted to do something for her to help her move forward. He signed her up for cheerleading camp all summer a few hours away. 

Octavia was riding with one of her teammates from school that was parked in front of the Blake house waiting. She stood in front of Clarke and Bellamy looking between the two. She reached for Clarke first.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” Octavia let some tears fall on Clarke’s shoulder as she hugged her and she squeezed her back.  
“I know, I’ll miss you too,” she sighed as Octavia pulled away “we’ve never spent a summer apart.” Octavia wiped her eyes and nodded. Bellamy cleared his throat and stepped in between them sweeping Octavia up into a hug. Octavia laughed softly and Clarke rolled her eyes and stepped back.

“You’ll do great kid, you don’t need us this summer, got it?” he wiped the tears from her eyes and she smiled back nodding. “Get out of here.” 

Octavia started towards the running car and turned to take one last look at the two standing next to each other. “Please don’t kill one another while I’m gone.” And with that she got in the car and they drove off.

Clarke bit her lip and started fiddling with the rings on her fingers. Bellamy sighed and turned to face her. “Soooo what are your plans this summer?”

Clarke looked up at him and shrugged, “Haven’t thought about it.” He nodded and looked towards the door and back at her. “Wanna hang out?” Clarke sighed. She thought about her summers always spent doing things with Octavia and occasionally sitting through video game sessions with Jasper and Monty. She also thought about the talk she once had with Bellamy about her being a grandma. Although Clarke and Bellamy spent nights watching documentaries, hanging out with him during the day could be something new that was kind of close to hanging out with the other Blake. Why not? “Yeah,” she said shaking her head and he led her inside. 

They spent the next couple of weeks actually getting along. Here and there they would argue over something educational. That was the best part of their relationship with one another; they were both incredibly brilliant but also very stubborn on their opinions. They could go on hour long tangents with one another about historical inaccuracies and artistic point of views. Being friends with Bellamy came a lot easier than either of them had originally thought. They spent many days and nights with Miller, Jasper, Harper, and Monty going on adventures or staying in experimenting with Jasper and Monty’s new creations. Clarke usually acted as a chaperone in these instances…no way was she getting near their “homemade” whatever it was. They also spent time alone together just watching documentaries or going on walks. Sometimes they would make nights to skype Octavia together. She was pleased they were getting along and she was having the time of her life. 

Halfway through the summer Clarke scheduled her road test to officially get her driver’s license. However every time one of her parents promised to take her out to practice they would get called into work. As the date was getting closer and closer and Clarke was still just as clueless she decided to ask Bellamy for help. Of course he had to use this moment to mess with her.

“Is THE Clarke Griffin actually asking ME for help? Wow, never thought I’d see the day,” he smirked at her enjoying every moment of this.

“Please Bellamy, I’m desperate.” She pleaded.

He laughed softly and pushed her shoulder softly, “You know I got you, come on lets go to Millers.” Clarke smiled and off they went. The Blake’s didn’t have that much money so Aurora usually had the one car they had for work. Bellamy had Miller or his bike, but he was almost all saved up for a Jeep he’s had his eye on.

Miller let them have the keys hesitantly and decided to go along for the ride. He slid into the back seat and made sure his seat belt was very very secure. Bellamy and Clarke sat up front.

“Okay, you’re going to hold your foot down on the break like I showed you and then put this,” he pointed to the gear shifter, “on D for drive.” She shot him a look and he put his hands up in surrender. “Just wanted to make sure you knew D was for drive and not-“

She shifted it to drive before he could finish. He smirked and then glanced back at Miller. 

“Alright good, now slowly lift off the break and start to accelerate slightly.” She might have jumped the gun a bit because they jerked forward and then she slammed on the break again frightened. Miller groaned in the back seat and Bellamy laughed softly, he put his hand on her shoulder and she breathed in.

“Hey just breathe and listen to me okay? You got this.” She nodded and the continued for the next couple hours. By the time they pulled back into Miller’s driveway she had the basics down just like Bellamy knew she would. They all got out of the car and Miller kissed the ground dramatically and Bellamy laughed his ass off. Clarke punched Miller in the arm and laughed along with them both. She took her phone out of her back pocket checking the time. 

“Jeeze I didn’t realize it was so late! I’ve gotta meet my dad for dinner.” She leaned up and kissed Miller on the cheek and then planted one on Bellamy’s. He smiled and she said thank you and was on her way down the block. Bellamy rubbed the back of his neck watching her go.

“Earth to Bellamy,” Miller stepped in his line of view, “Hello?!”

“What?” Miller smirked and crossed his arms. 

“Why are you watching her walk away like she’s the best damn thing you’ve ever seen?” 

Bellamy laughed uncomfortably and let himself inside Miller’s front door with him following close behind. “I’m serious!” Miller exclaimed.

“I don’t know. She’s….growing on me.”

“You mean, she’s growing UP.” Miller laughed at Bellamy’s face of disbelief. “Hey I may be gay but I’m not blind. Clarke Griffin has gotten hot since she started high school. She’s always been a cool chick too you were just too busy ragging on her.” 

Bellamy shrugged and slumped backwards on Millers couch. He couldn’t possibly start seeing Clarke in THAT way. She was only 16 and basically his other little sister. He could have, and almost has had any girl he wants. He couldn’t want Clarke Griffin. No way. That’s impossible. He laughed himself and moved on dropping the conversation with Miller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second half of the flashbacks are going to really set up the story and I'm so excited for where it takes me! I've been having major writer's block because I'm not really used to this. I'm hoping you're all being patient with my mistakes but I just really wanted to get my story out there. Thanks again xoxo


	4. Georgia - Vance Joy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I'm starting training for a new job but here it is <3 The rest of the flashbacks.

**17 & 20**

The truth is Clarke really was maturing fast. She was absolutely gorgeous and Bellamy couldn’t help but notice it every day since that conversation with Miller last year. Especially when Clarke passed her road test and jumped into Bellamy’s arms pressing her body against his in celebration. It was frustrating to be attracted to her but he couldn’t fight it. The only thing really keeping him away was her age and the fact that he had a job to protect her from guys like himself which obviously included him. Both she and Octavia had come across an overabundance of male attention towards both of them. Octavia basked in it and Clarke didn’t pay too much attention to it. She had always put her studies, art, and friendships first. Although, he had to deal with Octavia’s boyfriends at least he didn’t have to deal with Clarkes. He kept his thoughts to himself though because he refused to let Miller know he was right. 

To get over these awkward feelings toward Clarke he started dating more and more. It was getting to the point he was seeing almost a new girl every night, some were repeats though. Now that it was just Octavia and him in the house he took the opportunities to start bringing them to his place parading them around Clarke thinking it would help separate his feelings. Sometimes it did but sometimes he would wonder what she was up to while he was lying next to a sleeping beauty. He started to become selfish with Clarke. He wanted to have his fun with girls but he wanted to know she was right there when he needed her. Not in a sexual or romantic way but that his new found best friend was there (and so he could see her more). Octavia didn’t seem to mind that Bellamy and Clarke had become so close. It was actually refreshing for all their friends not to have them bickering with each other all the time. Bellamy was realizing more and more that she was crazy important to his life and it confused the hell out of him.

He started letting them come with him to a few parties that John Murphy threw. He knew Clarke didn’t drink much but she would still go for her friends and for him. But damnit, as much as she wasn’t into parties she sure knew how to dress for one. Being her best friend as easy but when she did or said things that made his feelings for her flare up a little it was hard to stay away from her so he decided that this party he was going to get wasted to forget but of course that would cause some kind of drama. 

Clarke had lost track of all her friends at some point in the night. She was pushing her way through people looking when Octavia finally caught up to her with a drunken Bellamy right behind her. He had a bloody cut above his right eyebrow. 

“Will you please please clean him up while I pick up the mess?” Octavia pleaded pushing Bellamy towards her almost knocking her over. She was gone before Clarke could say anything.

She dragged Bellamy into the bathroom and sat him on the closed toilet seat. He argued with her the whole time.

“I’m fine.”

“You can’t even look at me straight, Bell. What happened?”

“I dunno…Echo is here. She was bitching about something. I may or may not have told her to fuck off,” he slurred and took another sip from his beer bottle. Clarke snatched it out of his hand with protest and pressed a wet cloth to his cut. He watched her concentrating on cut like some medical professional. She cleaned it with something that stung so bad he winced and grabbed onto her hip. She looked down and gave him a look, letting it slide – this time. 

He removed his hand and cleared his throat, “She got angry, threw a beer bottle, and here we are.”

Clarke laughed softly, “Well you won’t need stitches, you’ll live unfortunately.” He scrunched his eyes up at her and she smiled, “Kidding.” 

She grabbed a bandage and lightly pressed it to the cut. 

“There, all set,” she handed him back his drink. He smiled and grabbed her hand.

“Do you know how beautiful I think you are?”

Clarke swallowed hard and took her hand back, she quickly laughed it off, “You’re hammered.” 

“Yeah, so?” he grinned and took another sip of his drink.

She waved him off and made her way out the door back to the party. The butterflies in her stomach were undeniable.

Later when she told a slightly intoxicated Octavia about the conversation Octavia just said “Clarke, he says stuff like that to girls all the time. It’s my brother we’re talking about here.” And that was that.

\---------

Every year since they had met Jasper, when Clarke and Octavia were 10, they had been invited to the Jordan’s lake house on Fourth of July. It had become a tradition among their group of friends and now that they have gotten older Jasper’s parents started letting them all go by themselves, especially with Bellamy and Miller being 20. They would spend their days in the water and their nights by the fire talking for hours. It was their favorite thing every summer.

Clarke thought the lake water was unsanitary and would just lay out on the little beach while they all swam and played their water games. They would all plead with Clarke to stop being a wimp and just get in the water but she just shook her head and read her book. Bellamy had gotten out of the water and sat next to her. She slid her sunglasses up on to her head and looked at him.

“You know, one day you’re going to regret not trying things and living life to the fullest.” His tone was too serious for a usual Bellamy tone. He was looking out into the water deep in thought. She leaned up.

“Maybe.”

He looked down at the sand and then over his shoulder at her and she just held his stare.

“Bell, are you okay?” He nodded.

“Let’s go to our spot.” She smiled and they got up shaking the sand off themselves. Clarke use to go out and sketch on one of the lower roofs of the lake house when she was younger. When Bellamy found her spot he took it upon himself to make it his too just to take a breather before they were fully friends but now it was theirs together. It had the best view of that lake and everything that surrounded them. When they got up there Clarke pressed Bellamy to tell her what’s wrong but he refused. In reality he had come to care about her so much it hurt him when she wasn’t having fun or trying new things. After his mom died he expected people to start living like it was their last day on Earth. As much as Clarke was his best friend though; he didn’t talk about his mom to anyone. 

Clarke wanted to have fun and try new things but she just couldn’t get herself to. She grew up this way; resistant to change, never needing anything more than she already had. Bellamy brought something out of her that made her want to be a new person, try new things, be someone that her friends always wanted her to be. It just never fully came out and she was stuck in this boring phase of her life she didn’t think she would ever get out of. Her heart ached and bit and the silence between them right now was deafening. 

“So I met someone.” She let spill out and Bellamy looked over at her with an expression on his face she couldn’t quite decipher. 

“Oh?” He finally spoke.

She nodded and ran her fingers along the roofing tile. “His name is Finn and he really likes me. I just haven’t really dated anyone before so it’s kind of weird” Bellamy nodded and looked back out to the lake.

“I say you go for it.” He spoke with little inflection in his voice. She looked his way again, “Yeah?”

He nodded and smiled a little at her. Her feelings for Bellamy never really went away but he was her best friend and telling him her secrets came naturally. For Bellamy on the other hand this secret was the last thing he wanted to hear because as Clarke was ignoring her feelings for him, his feelings for her wouldn’t stop getting in the way of everything else in his life. 

**18 & 21**

A couple weeks after their roof conversation Clarke had started dating Finn. He was good to her but Bellamy still didn’t like him and he used every opportunity to show Clarke his distrust. She would laugh it off and tell him she wasn’t Octavia and to stop worrying. It wasn’t worry though, it was jealousy and Bellamy never knew what jealousy meant until this moment when he was jealous that Clarke wasn’t his. He loved her. How did the little blonde girl he would torment his whole life become the first girl he ever loved? Beats him. He had to tell Miller though who laughed for an hour straight but totally understood. Bellamy took this opportunity to start sleeping around again to get over these too real feelings while Clarke was out happy with someone else.

That was until they found out Finn had a girlfriend who was traveling for the summer and when school had started up again she magically appeared into everyone’s lives. Clarke had fallen for Finn and she was devastated. Bellamy wanted to kill the guy but at the same time he was relieved. However, having Clarke available scared the living shit out of him so he kind of avoided her and her pain for a while he went out of his way to meet new people. He didn’t know it at the time but he ended up sleeping with a girl named Raven who ended up being Finn’s girlfriend, well ex now. When Clarke found out internally it killed her that this girl had got to be with another person Clarke felt deeply for but on the other hand this girl was hurting too and it’s not like she knew how Clarke felt. Weirdly, they all ended up becoming great friends with Raven and Finn as exiled to terminal hatred by all of them. 

Once Clarke knew Bellamy had slept with Raven she had come to terms that they would never be anything more than best friends. Bellamy on the other hand realized that sleeping with Raven and any other girl wasn’t filling this void in his heart he had for Clarke. It was becoming a mess.

**19 & 22**

The year Clarke turned 19 she didn’t know everything was about to change for her in good ways and in bad. A couple of months in her father got diagnosed suddenly with cancer. It was a brutal couple weeks where she spent most of her time by his side in the hospital. She had gotten into Med school about 20 minutes away in the fall but instead of worrying about that she worried about her father. The last thing she wanted right now was to go off and start an education she didn’t know if she wanted or not. Her mom was on her case about it which severely pissed Clarke off with the timing of it all.

Bellamy, Octavia, and Raven were there for her the most. They did everything they could to make sure Clarke was okay and fed and taken care of when she couldn’t think about anything else but her dad. Those three were her best friends and nothing would change that. 

That is until Jake Griffin passed. Clarke kind of reacted the same way Bellamy had when his mom had gone. She felt strongly, but nothing would come out. Not. A. Damn. Thing. It frustrated her to no end losing the one person who understood who she was more than any of her friends. The one who knew why she kept to herself and didn’t like change. The one who brought the most change to her life by dying on her. 

A few days after the funeral, Clarke’s mom was on her case again about school. They got into a screaming match that made Clarke realize that she didn’t want to go to Med school and be some hot shot doctor like her mother. She didn’t want to be near her mother. She was sick of this life that had already been set up for her. This life had brought her nothing but basic necessity and experiences and she was done with being bored with it. After the fight with Abby, Clarke was in Jake’s old office just sitting at his desk contemplating her life and what the hell she was supposed to do now. She decided to rummage through his drawers so she could just feel something now that he was gone when she found one of her old childhood books he use to read her. She smiled to herself and grabbed it. A piece of paper slid out the bottom of it and she picked it up. It was a ticket in her name; round trip to New York. Confused, she opened the book and found a letter folded up and taped to the cover:

_Dearest Clarke,  
No matter what has happened recently changes the fact that I am proud of who you are as a strong beautiful individual. I hope you never feel pressured to be anything but yourself but I do hope you allow yourself to explore who you really are. I was planning on gifting this to you for your birthday but with everything going on it didn’t turn out how I actually planned. I hope you forgive me. I hope you never forget that I will always be with you. Most importantly I hope you never forget that you’re allowed to make your own decisions. Your cousin Leah is expecting a visit from you soon. Take the opportunity to explore. Get out of this town and see what the world has to offer and maybe, just maybe you can figure out what you can offer it back. Love you to the moon._

_Dad._

For the first time since he’s died Clarke allowed herself to really grieve. She let the tears fall down onto the letter in front of her. It was time for a change and her dad was blatantly telling her so. She got out her phone and texted her cousin, she booked a flight with her generalized ticket for the next morning. She knew she needed a break, she knew she needed to get out fast, and she knew it was time to find herself. The only problem? Saying goodbye.

Another one of Murphy’s parties was that night. She decided she couldn’t pass this one up just so she could see everyone before she left for who knows how long. It went off like any other party. Octavia chugging anything in sight, Jasper and Monty getting high on the couch, Bellamy hitting on some girl in the kitchen, Raven dominating everyone in drinking games. Miller had leaned up against the wall next to her watching everything she was. He offered her a drink, but for the first time since he’s known her she accepted and took it down like a champ only wincing slightly after. He smiled watching her and nodded before walking away. 

She didn’t drink much after but it was a start to her new life and she felt good about it, but as the party was coming to an end she felt a pull in her heart knowing she was leaving everyone she loved behind. She hugged them extra tight as they parted ways but kept her mouth shut knowing they wouldn’t understand or convince her otherwise. Bellamy appeared next to her with Octavia slumped over his shoulder passed out drunk. He sighed, “Help me get her home?”

Clarke giggled softly and nodded following him to his Jeep where she helped lift the seat up to get Octavia in the back. The way back to the Blake house was silent mostly.

“Miller tells me you drank tonight.” He eyed her from the side with a smirk on his face.

She smiled and shrugged, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He laughed and squeezed her thigh trying to tickle her. God she would miss him the most.

“Are you staying the night?” he asked softly and glanced back at Octavia through the rearview mirror.

“I have to be up early tomorrow…for something stupid so no. Do you mind taking me home?”

He shook his head, “Not at all as long as we stop and drop her off first.”

They pulled in the driveway and struggled to get Octavia out and inside. Clarke got her into bed while Bellamy went to change into sweatpants. She bent over tucking her in and bit her lip. Leaving her best friend since she was a baby is the worst possible thing she could do especially without saying goodbye. She was seconds from bursting out crying when Bellamy cleared his throat from the doorway. She looked back at him and noticed he wasn’t hiding the fact he was checking her out. She laughed softly.

“Bellamy Blake, what on earth are you doing?”

“You can’t expect to be bent over like that and pretend it doesn’t peak a man’s interest Clarke Griffin.”

She smiled and took one last look at Octavia then followed Bellamy back out to his Jeep. They rode in silence once again and she couldn’t stop thinking about how she peaked his interest. Something she had always wanted to do but thought Bellamy had only seen her as a little sister. Why now? And did he still think she was beautiful? They were parked in front of her house now. She was staring at her dad’s old car sitting in the driveway. Then she looked over at Bellamy. Her dad wanted her to stop being afraid and to try new things, she had loved Bellamy Blake since as long as she could remember and this could very well be the last time she sees him. He looked back at her.

“You okay?” She swallowed hard and nodded then leaned over, grabbed his face, and kissed him. Without hesitation he was kissing her back, sliding his hand to her side pulling her as close as he could. A kiss years in the making. She pulled away, they just looked at each other not knowing what to do. She opened the door, took one last look at him.

“Goodnight Bellamy.” He couldn’t even respond he was so taken back. He watched Clarke unlock her door and disappear into her house.

Instead of going back home he had to talk to Miller. This crush he had on Clarke was an ongoing struggle he had, trying to get rid of it every day had become a job in itself. But now? She kissed HIM and that meant that something more could come from this and maybe he didn’t have to fight it anymore. He barged into Millers house and told him everything. Miller rolled his eyes because he knew it would happen someday. Bellamy loved this girl and now there was a chance she loved him back, but she was gone the next day.


	5. Cross My Mind - A R I Z O N A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The continuation of the story xoxo

**Present**

Clarke must have fallen asleep because she woke up in the same position facing the wall of pictures. She got up for the day, showered, got ready, and found her mom and Kane downstairs eating breakfast. She smiled awkwardly and slid in the seat next to her mom. She had a plate already ready for her. She was quiet, they all were. Kane kept glancing at the Griffin women over his newspaper. Who reads the newspaper anymore? Clarke thought as she pushed the things on her plate around with her fork. Her mom broke the silence. 

“So did you want to start with your things or dad’s?” Clarke put her fork down and pushed a piece of her hair back behind her ear shrugging. 

“Dad’s I guess.” There were a few minutes of silence again.

“So how’s the gallery holding up, Clarke?” She looked up at Kane and smiled. It’s not.

“Oh, fine. I haven’t had much time to paint for myself in a while but it’s all fine. Just fine.” Her mom raised her eyebrow at her suspiciously and before anyone could speak Clarkes phone started ringing with a number she didn’t recognize. She answered quickly getting up from the table and walking to another room.

“Hello?”

“Hey Clarke! It’s Raven.” She smiled. She was glad Raven actually called.

“Hey Rae, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to call to see what you were up to tonight. I have the night off and was wondering if you wanted to get dinner and catch up or whatever.” She giggled over the phone and Clarke bit her lip.

“Yeah absolutely, text me when and where. I’ll be there.”

“Perfect, see you tonight babe!” And with that the line went dead. She walked back into the kitchen to find Kane and her mom looking up at her.

“I’m going to dinner with Raven tonight so don’t wait up for me. I’ll be in Dad’s office.” She left them behind and started up the stairs to get done what she came here for.

 

Raven didn’t exactly tell anyone she was going to meet Clarke for dinner. The only people that really held a grudge against her were the Blakes. Everyone knew that if Clarke Griffin set her mind to something she would get it done so no one really blamed her for leaving them behind. Those two were just special cases. What did everyone expect? Everyone ragged on her all the time for being the ‘boring’ friend. Clarke just decided that she didn’t want to be that anymore and with the death of her dad Raven thinks she had enough.

Raven could tell Clarke was slightly different from the second she laid her eyes on her. Her fashion sense had heightened immensely, her blonde hair was longer and well kept, and she caught a glimpse of a tattoo on her wrist and a tattoo on her shoulder. She would never have guessed Clarke Griffin would get a tattoo but damn was she bummed she wasn’t there to watch. Clarke was the reason Raven had so many great friends in her life. She welcomed her in with open arms after Finn had cheated on her with the blonde. She knew if Clarke was in town she had to make an effort. She had to see her best friend again. 

She picked a nicer restaurant downtown for them to meet and they instantly fell back into old times. No awkwardness, no personality changes, it was nice. They joked about Finn, and Murphy’s old parties, and everyone and everything in New York. Clarke didn’t once ask about the others but Raven didn’t push it onto her either. She knew she wasn’t the only one who would love to see Clarke but she would let Clarke decide that on her own. 

“I’ve freaking missed you, you know that?” Raven rested her elbow on the table and then her chin into her hand. 

Clarke blushed and fiddled with her fingers nodding, “I’ve missed you all more than you know.”

There it was, she mentioned them first, “Have you thought about seeing everyone else?”

“Mhmm, I just...I don’t know if I’m willing to say goodbye again if I do.”

Raven smiled at this. She knew Clarke cared about them, as much as Octavia and Bellamy didn’t think so. The Blake’s didn’t have much of a family growing up. Clarke was their family and she abandoned them...it was almost like their mother dying all over again. Raven got a text from Monty just then. She glanced down at her phone to the message reading: Where are you? It was already almost 10:00. Raven thought for a minute.

“Since you’re all for taking chances now Clarke, why don’t you just come to the dropship with me tonight? Everyone’s already there. Just…say hi.” Raven looked at her nervously with the last part.

Clarke thought for a moment and sighed, “You’re a pain in my ass Reyes. Throwing my own life advice back at me.”

Raven smiled and stood up, “So is that a yes?”

Clarke followed suit, “I guess so.” Raven squealed and hugged her tightly and pulled her hand with her. It was nice to have her friend back.

 

The dropship was always busy on the weekends. Throughout the week and the days it was a nice family restaurant ironically owned by Kane. It was basically the place to be if you wanted to see anybody and everybody, drink cheap beer, and listen to every music genre under the sun.

Clarke never got a taste of the nightlife before she left because she wasn’t legal yet and refused to get a fake ID with Octavia. That was the last thing she needed. She was kind of excited to see what Arkadia could offer her in comparison to nights out in Manhattan or Brooklyn. She was glad she had one of her cutest outfits on tonight. The tight jeans and low cut shirt did her wonders. When her and Raven got in they went straight for the bar. Clarke couldn’t help but look around frantically making sure she wasn’t ambushed by awkwardness but Raven squeezed her hand and smiled. 

The bartender finally made his way to them and Clarke broke out into one of the biggest smiles; it was Miller. He returned her smile, leaned over the bar and they hugged so tightly she might have exploded right there.

“Wow do my eyes deceive me? Clarke freaking Griffin?” he chuckled and glanced at Raven as he was getting two drinks ready for them.

“It’s so good to see you.” She took the mystery drink from him and he nodded. “What are you doing behind bar? What happened to the police academy?”

He shrugged but didn’t lose his smile, “It’s still going just slowly, sometimes it’s easier to get tips than good grades.” She giggled and nodded in understanding. 

“I was struggling and Kane offered to help me out, it just kind of…stuck. It helps that Bellamy is always working here with me too so,” Raven took a sip of her drink avoiding eye contact at the mention of Bellamy.

“He’s working for Kane too?” Clarke wondered why Kane didn’t mention any of it to her. Miller nodded back to her question. 

“Speaking of tips though I need to make some more. Enjoy your drinks tonight, on me got it?” She giggled and nodded, you can’t pass up free drinks anywhere. He made his way down the bar and Raven nudged her.

“You good?”

“I’m good.” They both backed away from the bar and made their way through the crowd back to the pool table and biggest booth in the place. Of course her friends had a designated area. That’s just who they are…well were. She froze when she saw the curly mop of dark hair over the crowd but Raven kept pulling her until there she was exposed in front of the rest of her old….ex….old? whatever friends.

Raven decided to cut the tension with an introduction, “Surprise I brought our favorite New Yorker out tonight!” Clarke blushed and noticed Octavia wouldn’t even look at her. Bellamy couldn’t stop. Jasper and Monty finally were brought back to reality where they jumped to her and squished her in between them in a big hug. She couldn’t help the smile that appeared across her face when they pulled away and started talking over each other, quickly. 

Harper had just come in as well and greeted Clarke. A tall man with tattoos shook Clarke’s hand and smiled.

“I’m Lincoln, Octavia’s boyfriend. I’ve heard a lot about you,” he seemed sincere but the awkwardness caught up to Clarke.

“I’m sure it’s been all good things.” Octavia rolled her eyes and Clarke looked down at her drink. Raven decided to intervene and pushed Bellamy’s shoulder. He almost ran into a brunette that was sitting on a stool behind him also staring her down, “Which Blake am I taking down in pool?!” This brought a small smirk to Bellamy’s lips and Clarke’s heart flipped. Everyone started talking amongst each other and sipping their drinks cutting the tension. Lincoln went back to Octavia’s side. Bellamy grabbed a pool stick and set his beer on the table in front of the mystery girl. He looked back over at Clarke and seemed to look past her. 

Clarke kept making her way back to the bar to drown out the thoughts of her to best friends hating her guts. When she was waiting for Miller to make his way over to her the brunette came and joined her. 

“Since no one has manners to introduce us I might as well,” she smiled and held out her hand, “I’m Gina, Bellamy’s fiancée.” Clarke couldn’t even find the words to say. She just nodded and shook her hand stuttering, “Clarke.”

Gina smiled, “Yeah, I know.” 

“I-I had no idea Bellamy was engaged...” Just then Miller came over and slid her a mixed drink, he topped it off a little more when he overheard the conversation. Bellamy appeared behind Gina a minute later nodding towards Miller for another beer.

“You’re engaged?” Clarke questioned him accusingly like she would’ve three years ago. He raised his eyebrow at her. Realizing her mistake in prying into his life she grabbed her drink and went to find Raven. 

It didn’t take more than another 30 minutes for Clarke to be drunk off her ass. Jasper and Monty loved drunken Clarke. No one ever got to witness it first hand and all of them had the best time dancing around and giggling. It wasn’t until Octavia said something that turned the mood.

“Guess we were really that awful that Clarke had to leave town to get the stick out of her ass.” Lincoln’s eyes widened as soon as the sentence left her mouth. The laughter subsided and everyone was staring at Clarke.

“Oh shut up Octavia. I’m sorry I got a life out of this fucking town.”

Octavia laughed and rolled her eyes at the hot mess Clarke in front of her, “Yeah looks like a great life.”

“Octavia, come on.” Bellamy spoke up.

“No you don’t get to do that.” Clarke stepped closer to where Bellamy and Gina were standing against the wall.

“What?”

Slurred, “You don’t get to speak up now when you haven’t said a damn word to me Bellamy. Stay out of it. Jesus nothing has changed! Still constantly on your sister!” She looked over at Gina and laughed sarcastically, “Well one thing’s changed. No more Bellamy new girl every night Blake anymore, huh?”

“Clarke…” Raven intervened and tried to pull her away from the Blake’s. Clarke pulled her arm away from Raven, made her way through the crowd and disappeared out the door. 

Miller was just getting off shift and came to ask what was going on. Bellamy sighed and pulled his keys out of his pocket. Good thing he didn’t drink a lot tonight.

“Can you ride home with Miller? I’ll be right there.” Gina nodded hesitantly and then he disappeared the same way Clarke did.

Outside, he saw Clarke making her way down the side of the road basically stomping away like a child. He laughed to himself as he got into his jeep and followed her. When he drove up alongside her she stopped and crossed her arms, “Leave me alone Bell.”

“I’m taking you home.” He leaned his arm on his door through the open window.

“I’m perfectly capable of getting my adult self home,” she went to walk again and stumbled. Bellamy groaned and got out of the jeep. He caught her and hoisted her over his shoulder. She fought him and banged her hands against his back, “Put me down!” He put her in his jeep and got in fast to drive towards her mom’s house. She pouted the whole way there until the very end when she fell asleep with her head up against the window. He carried her inside.

“Thank you, Bellamy” Abby said as she let him in the door. Clarke didn’t stir a bit. He brought her up to her room and put her in bed. He sat down on the edge next to her and pulled her shoes off, then pulled the blanket up over her. He sighed just watching her sleep. He never thought he would see her again but he thought about her every day. He couldn’t tell if his best friend or the girl he once loved was still in there, but it was hard for him to let himself find out. He always wanted to protect her, take care of her, but a part of him was still hurt that she left him after that night. He put his hand on her cheek and caressed it slowly. She snuggled right into it like it was a habit and Bellamy forgot the last three years of his life just like that.


	6. It's Only You - Dominique

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the positive feedback! I'm so glad you're loving the ideas I have in my head lol. I made sure to get this update to you all as fast as I could! xoxo

Clarke woke up that Saturday morning to her phone ringing. The hangover hit her almost immediately and she groaned while pulling her phone out of the pocket of the skinny jeans she was still wearing.

“What?!”

“Watch your tone Ms. Griffin.” It was Indra. Clarke shot up and instantly regretted it when she felt her head begging for forgiveness. 

“I’m so sorry Indra. Please tell me you have good news?” There was a sigh on the other end of the call and Clarke laid back again.

“I can’t tell you that. It’s not looking good Clarke and I just want to apologize again for not giving you any warning for you to search for a new job.” Clarke’s heart sank and she was minutes away from puking. How was she going to afford living in the city at Leah’s without a steady income? Nothing was going her way lately.

“Yeah, I know. Listen, Indra I’m back home visiting some people I have to go.” She hung up the phone before Indra could reply. She then texted Leah a quick text: _I’m fucked._

After almost an hour later after getting up and around Clarke ran into her mom downstairs.  
“I’m surprised you’ve been home this much..” She looked at her mom questionably. Abby smiled back at her and shrugged.

“I’m not too much of a workaholic anymore, I am getting older Clarke.” She laughed softly and Clarke smiled, blushing. She missed this side of her mom, “I’ve also been volunteering for the city for the Memorial Day Festival tonight. You will be showing face right? Everyone knows you’re in town now.”

Clarke bit her lip and had some flashes of last night. She shivered at how cringe worthy they were. She couldn’t remember how she ended up home though. It wasn’t Raven because she had a text from her this morning that said ‘Hope you made it home safe xox.’

“Wait, how’d I get home last night?” Abby gave her a stern look and crossed her arms.

“Bellamy had to drag your drunken body up the stairs. I see New York set your priorities for you.” Clarke gave her a dirty look.

“Please don’t start with the school thing again.” Clarke never went to Med school like originally planned. She wanted to heal and help people but with everything that happened it was the last thing she was ready for. She didn’t want it to take away the life she was ready to start living. She had been considering going to nursing school because it’s a little less tedious but there was just no time anymore. She could tell Abby was biting her tongue from saying anything that would upset Clarke; she was learning. “I’ll be at the festival. I need to apologize to Bellamy first..” Clarke laid her head on her arms on the counter. 

Abby put some money down on the counter in front of her a slid it to her, “I was going to get him and Marcus some lunch and bring it to the bar for them. Maybe you should?” Clarke looked up at her and took the money nodding at her mother. She smiled, kissed her cheek and was out the door.

About 45 minutes later Clarke had the bags of food in her hand standing outside the entrance of the Dropship. Things between her and her friends were definitely not okay or back to normal but she owed Bellamy this. He could barely say a word to her, he looked at her as if she was a stranger, but he still made sure she was safe. That’s just who he was. 

She made her way indoors, it was quite empty and Bellamy was behind bar stocking glasses. When the door shut behind her he looked up. She smiled slightly and walked up to the bar setting the food on top.

“I come bearing gifts…” She looked at him and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. He eyed the bag and then back at her. She sighed, “I got your favorite, chicken quesadillas. Well…I’m hoping they’re still your favorite. You use to eat so many of them I swear you were going to have a heart attack and drop dead right in front of me someday.”

He smirked and looked down at his feet, “Clarke, you’re rambling.”

“Am I?” She took a deep breath and giggled when she saw the smile on his face. “I just…wanted to say thank you. For..you know last night.”

“You didn’t really deserve it.”

Clarke frowned and crossed her arms over her chest, “I know I’m sorry. It’s just…hard being home again.”

Bellamy nodded and pulled one of the bags in front of him and looked inside, he looked back at her, “This is definitely a start though.” Clarke blushed and put her hands in her back pockets. 

“Sooo I should probably get going. I should help my mom set up the festival.” She rolled her eyes and shrugged as she backed away from the bar. 

Bellamy watched her and nodded, “I’ll see you there, Clarke.”

Clarke smiled and turned to leave. She stopped and looked back at Bellamy again, “I’m happy for you Bell. You seem like you’re doing good.” And with that she left and Bellamy couldn’t resist those quesadillas. 

The festival was one of the biggest events in Arkadia. They had festivals every holiday but Memorial Day kicked off the start of summer and there were usually tourists around considering the town was close to the coast. Clarke and her friends usually stayed away from the festival because it seemed to make their families crazy and they always felt like they were too cool for it. Clarke wanted to make an effort for her mom and their relationship so she would suck it up and join in on the festivities. 

It was already late into the night when Clarke finished doing a million jobs for her mom. She had all of the staff at the hospital and friends of her father coming up to her and asking her about New York. She was exhausted and frustrated that she didn’t know what was next for her. She crossed her arms over her chest and walked through the grounds looking around for anyone she knew and thinking about what her life had come to.

\---------

Gina didn’t live in town so Bellamy had a lot of time for himself and to spend with his friends. The festival was never a tradition among his friends but the last couple years they had come as an excise to drink their weight in alcohol and people new and old. Bellamy was sitting on the back of Murphy’s tailgate with Miller. Murphy was grilling something nearby for their friends. Octavia and Lincoln decided to pass on the festival. She had been upset about the Clarke thing. Jasper, Monty, Raven, and Harper were out enjoying the festival somewhere. He took a sip of his beer he was holding and just watching the people walk through.

“Blake, you sure have been quiet since a certain blonde made her way back into town.” Murphy smirked and flipped one of the burgers on the grill. Murphy never knew about Bellamy’s feelings for Clarke but Miller did and he watched Bellamy’s poker face.

“It’s whatever.” He replied.

“Whatever? Man I thought in high school she was pretty attractive but now? Damn that girl is-“

“Murphy, come on.” Miller interjected and Bellamy glanced over at him. 

Murphy put his hands up in surrender, “I’m just saying! She looks like she’s doing good…real good.” He smirked to himself and Bellamy chugged the rest of his beer tossing it into their makeshift garbage nearby. When he glanced back up he saw her. She was making her way through the crowd headed towards where the rest of their friends were. Murphy was right and she looked amazing. He had been feeling so indifferent about her being back in town. He didn’t know where his head was with it or his heart for that fact. He knew he loved Gina but he also knew as soon as Clarke left he shoved everything he’d ever felt deep down and they were trying to come up for air. 

Miller and Murphy were rambling about something. He watched Clarke reach their friends. They were all so happy she was home. He couldn’t help but feel that way too, but things were weird considering they left things between their lips. They were weird because he was mad and Octavia was mad that their best friend left them but he couldn’t help but forgive her when he saw that damn beautiful smile of hers. He hopped off the back of the truck and grabbed two beers and started towards them all.

“Where you going?” Miller asked with his eyebrow raised. Bellamy turned around and started working backwards with a smirk on his face. 

“I’ve gotta go warn my best friend about Murphy.” Murphy chucked something at him and they started laughing. 

He pushed his way through the crowd of people who were listening to a local band play. When he was right beside her he handed her one of the beers. She looked at him curiously and took it. A smile formed on her lips when he tapped his to hers. 

“Welcome home, princess.”

\---------

Clarke had one of the best nights she’s had in a while. She felt like she’d never left especially when Bellamy let her back in. They talked for hours amongst all their friends and caught up. Clarke didn’t really ask about Gina, but Bellamy didn’t really ask about her leaving. Avoidable subjects but she knew they wouldn’t be for too long. Raven and Clarke fell right back into where they left off and before the night ended she finally got to wrap her arms around Bellamy like old times when she said goodnight to him. She was so relieved that he didn’t hate her anymore. However, the other Blake did and she needed to fix it.

Bellamy had given Clarke the address to Lincoln and Octavia’s apartment. She knows she wasn’t expecting her because as soon as she knocked she heard Octavia’s voice yelling for her to come in. When she walked in Octavia was perched on her couch with a box of cereal in hand watching trashy reality shows. She hadn’t changed a bit. She looked over at Clarke with her large doe eyes and sighed. She handed the box to Clarke offering her some. Without hesitation she took the box and slid down next to her.

The two sat in silence just eating handful after handful. Octavia smiled a little as she was zoning out at a spot on the floor. “You know I’ve been waiting for the mini Clarke lecture about how bad this much sugar is for me.”

Clarke smiled and looked over at her. She took a handful and stuffed it in her mouth shrugging. “That’s before I knew how to really live…and how good sugary cereal is.” She struggled through her full mouth. Octavia giggled.

“How different is New York?” Octavia twisted a piece of her long hair around her finger nervously. Clarke put the box down between them and brushed her hands off on the ripped jeans she was wearing. “Insanely different.” She replied and Octavia looked at her almost asking her for more. For the next 20 minutes Clarke shared all her stories and insight to a curious Octavia.

“You’d love it honestly. For the boys and fashion alone.” She smiled and ran her fingers through her hair. Octavia smiled really taking Clarke’s beauty in. She had changed. It wasn’t just her longer beach waved hair or her new sense of style (that she was slightly jealous of). It was happiness and it was so rare to see on Clarke’s face it made her forget why she was so mad in the first place.

“Maybe…I can visit you soon. You know…if you want,” Octavia looked down quickly and began picking at her nails. 

“Of course,” Clarke replied. 

“I get it you know. I get why you left.”

Clarke stayed silent.

“I was just mad that you could cut me off like I was nothing to you.”

“I just…knew that if you had told me you missed me just once I would have been on the first plane back,” Clarke said softly with tears forming in her eyes.

“Why though? I would’ve supported your whole plan if you let me in on it!”

“Because you’re…you. The only person I would’ve stayed for and I needed to get out. I needed to focus on myself.”

Octavia smiled and began to tear up too. “Come on I can’t be the only one.”

Clarke giggled and nodded, “The most important one though.”

Tears started flowing from Octavia’s eyes and she latched her arms around the blonde’s neck pulling her into a hug. The hug was returned just as tightly.

“I fucking missed you,” Octavia mumbled through her tears. Clarke smiled and nodded.

“I missed you too.”


	7. Song for Zula - Phosphorescent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter may take awhile for me to get out so I hope this holds everyone over for now!
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr!   
> @ /unogangsters

Sunday morning Clarke was pacing around her half packed bedroom. She had a lot to figure out and nothing was coming to her. She groaned in frustration and laid back on her bed. She looked up at the ceiling, “C’mon dad give me a sign or something.”

Her mom had asked her at the festival when her flight was scheduled for back home and she just told her she might stick around a little longer. Abby was thrilled but Clarke didn’t want to be stuck in her childhood bedroom forever. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed Raven’s number.

She picked up on the second ring “Hey girl!”

“Hey what are you up to today? Give me something to do.”

Raven laughed on the other line, “Well I’m going to see an apartment in an hour because my lease is up in June, wanna come see? I could use your input.”

Clarke thought for a bit. She had a lot of packing up to do but she didn’t even know where she was supposed to take it, “I’m in. Can you come pick me up?”

“Hell yes, I’ll text you when I’m on the way.”

The apartment was in prime location right in downtown Arkadia. It was a rustic building on the outside like the ones Clarke had seen in older neighborhoods around New York. The inside was newly renovated and beautiful; it was a two bedroom. Honestly, it was perfect and she could tell Raven was in love with it. It was going to go fast so the realtor stepped outside to make some phone calls and let Raven decide.

“I just can’t afford a two bedroom right now without a roommate but look at this place!” She sighed and leaned on the balcony overlooking the river behind the buildings downtown. Clarke nodded and took in the sight too. She knew how Raven felt…torn and not knowing what direction to take except if she as in Raven’s position she would take this in a heartbeat.

“Well, I love it and if you can make it work a couple months while looking for a roommate I say do it.” Raven looked over at her and shook her head no.

“I can’t…paying back my loans is killing me.” Clarke didn’t have loans considering she didn’t go to school but she understood. She left Raven alone in her thoughts and walked around the place inspecting it. Then she thought of something completely crazy and she bit her lip, “Rae come in here!” 

Raven appeared shortly after, “What’s up?”

“What if I helped you pay for a couple months?”

“Clarke I couldn’t let you do that..you already pay enough in New York.”

Clarke shook her head and slid her hands in her jacket pockets, “Actually I’m barely paying anything to stay in a half bedroom at Leah’s and…I kinda lost my job this week.”

Raven raised her eyebrow, “Is that why you’re really in town?”

Clarke smiled and shook her head again, “No…but it is why I don’t know when I’m supposed to leave. That’s why I was thinking I live here with you…while I figure it all out.”

Raven’s face lit up and she approached Clarke with slight caution and curiosity. “Are you being serious right now? Like…you’re not playing some evil trick on me right now right?!”

“I’m literally for real right now.” Raven screeched and jumped Clarke with a hug. They both laughed and stood there for a couple minutes.

“I’ll go tell the realtor!” And Raven sprinted out the door and down the stairs of the building. Clarke smiled to herself and kicked her feet. This felt right, this felt like home for now. 

Later, Clarke and Raven were lounging out back of Abby and Kane’s new house. They had a beautiful backyard that was closed in and the stars shown through beautifully. Clarke had just called Leah and explained it all to her. She took it fine and didn’t mind losing out on Clarke’s payments each month; she was loaded. Then her and Raven made their way over to the new house to explain it all to Abby and Kane. They were beyond ecstatic and they let the girls go out and drink some wine instead of making them help unpack some of the house.

“Sooo…” Raven began and Clarke glanced over at her and then back up at the night sky.

“So?” 

“Should you tell everyone else or should I?” Clarke laughed softly and thought for a minute. She didn’t even have anyone but Raven’s number here anymore. “Let’s make a groupchat.”

“On it!” Raven put her wine glass down and took her phone out. She sat up and shifted her long brown hair out of the way like she was on a mission. Minutes later Clarke got the text from Raven which included a few other numbers. She started saving them one by one with help from Raven and the congratulations poured in shortly after. Octavia called them literally almost crying she was so happy. The only person who hadn’t said anything was Bellamy. 

Clarke tried to not let it bother her. They had gotten along really well since they made up but she couldn’t help but feel a little rejected that he wasn’t happy she was staying. She pushed the thoughts aside when Abby and Kane came to join them out on the back deck.

“So what are you thinking about doing for income Clarke?” Kane spoke up and Clarke shrugged. 

“I’m definitely going to keep selling my pieces but I’m not sure other than that.” She sighed and leaned her head on her fist up on the table they were all sitting around. 

“Well I was curious because I could use an extra hand at the bar..” Clarke raised an eyebrow considering her offer. She would be working with Miller and Bellamy if that was the case but at this point she felt awkward about that fact. Just then, Bellamy’s name finally flashed across her phone and she could hear Raven’s go off as well.

**Bellamy Blake:** Seriously? That’s awesome, congrats ladies!

She smiled to herself and looked up at Kane and her mother, “I have bartending experience.” Abby took a sip of her wine at that statement and Raven giggled.

That following week involved bribing the whole gang with beer and food so they would help the girls move in. Clarke was also in the process of getting some training from the boys and Kane at the bar. She didn’t need much but they were excited to have her on board so they could also get some nights off. The upcoming weekend Gina was coming down to stay with Bellamy from wherever she lived, Clarke still didn’t know, so Clarke and Miller were going to man the bar themselves. 

All their friends decided just to spend Friday night there in support of Clarke’s first official shift. She was happy with the support but seeing Gina all over Bellamy was a little unsettling considering she had to stay sober. To distract herself she took over control of the music and her and Miler had the best time singing and dancing behind the bar while they served up drinks but she noticed Bellamy would keep his eyes on her too often. She could feel the blush rising in her cheeks but she would pay close attention to her customer’s to get rid of whatever she was feeling.

Eventually Bellamy and Gina were gone and Clarke was a little disappointed he didn’t say goodnight to her but this was how things were now. She was building her friendships back up, everyone was an adult now – with exception to Murphy – and Bellamy was getting married. She still hadn’t really let that sink in. 

After her and Miller closed the bar up and he dropped her off a couple blocks away at the new apartment, so she didn’t walk alone, she found Octavia and Raven sitting in front of their television with snacks upon snacks and smiles on their faces.

“Housewarming girl’s night party!” Octavia jumped up and grabbed Clarke’s hand guiding her to the couch. She could tell Octavia was going to keep her as close as possible so she wouldn’t leave her behind again. It made Clarke happy. At least one Blake wanted her. 

About an hour into some random movie, Octavia and Raven had knocked out. She didn’t blame them it was already 3:30am and they had waited for her shift to get over. She pulled her blanket over herself and snuggled into the couch. Her phone buzzed next to her, it was Bellamy.

**Bellamy Blake:** How’d the end of your shift go?

**Clarke Griffin:** Great! Me and Miller killed it tonight.

**Bellamy Blake:** I saw haha. We’ll have to do better when it’s just you and me. I can’t let Miller out shine me

**Clarke Griffin:** Lmao. God forbid someone does better than Bellamy Blake.

**Bellamy Blake:** Damn Straight! ;)  
 **Bellamy Blake:** Sorry I didn’t say goodnight btw…Gina wasn’t feeling too well

Clarke bit her lip and glanced over at the sleeping beauties sprawled out next to her. Gina must have been asleep at this time too.

**Clarke Griffin:** It’s okay, I understand. 

**Bellamy Blake:** I’m also sorry it’s so late…I couldn’t sleep and I wanted to make sure everything went ok with you

**Clarke Griffin:** If you’re going to apologize for something it should be for your Blake genes. You and Octavia snore too much.

**Bellamy Blake:** lol wait is Octavia there?

**Clarke Griffin:** Yeah, we all attempted to watch a movie and they fell asleep on me. I recall you use to do the same thing.

**Bellamy Blake:** Who me? Nah

**Clarke Griffin:** Yessss you

**Bellamy Blake:** I was better company though at least and at least we watched something educational. Lemme guess you’re watching something about love and vampires?

Clarke giggled out loud and Raven stirred in her sleep next to her. She covered her mouth quick to hide her smile and started typing again after glancing at the end of Twilight playing out on the big screen.

**Clarke Griffin:** You know nothing, Bellamy Blake.

**Bellamy Blake:** :)

**Clarke Griffin:** Anyway, I’m getting sleepy. I’ll talk to you tomorrow maybe?

**Bellamy Blake:** Yea, soon.   
**Bellamy Blake:** Hey Clarke?

**Clarke Griffin:** Yeah?

**Bellamy Blake:** Let’s have a movie night soon like old times

**Clarke Griffin:** I’d love to…Goodnight Bell.

Clarke smiled at her phone for a good five minutes after that conversation. She turned the TV off at the ending credits and woke up the girls. She dragged a sleepy Octavia into her room with her so she could crash and snuggle next to her best friend. _Like old times_ she thought.


	8. Give Me Something - Jarryd James

Clarke woke up from a throbbing sudden pain in her face and Octavia’s arm draped across her neck. She gave her sleeping body a dirty look and rubbed her nose. She must’ve hit her in the face. Clarke pushed Octavia over and she groaned rolling to the other side of the bed. A laugh escaped from Clarke’s lips and she grabbed her phone while yawning. 

Leah had sent her a selfie of her and all their friends back in the city. She smiled to herself and went to the next conversation: a message from Jasper asking if she was working at the dropship tonight because he had a date. 

**Clarke Griffin:** A date?! OoooOoooh!

 **Jasper Jordan:** Yes or no? Is Bellamy working?

Clarke’s heart fluttered. She realized she was working with Bellamy tonight for the first time just the two of them. She went back into her conversations and read through the one from him last night. She couldn’t get the smile off her face. Her and Bellamy were falling back into their old ways which was great….but she also felt some feelings she didn’t want to feel making their way to the surface. She sighed when she thought of Gina.

 **Jasper Jordan:** Clarke whateveryourmiddlenameis GRIFFIN!!

 **Clarke Griffin:** Sorry! Yes we’ll both be there tonight for moral support.

 **Jasper Jordan:** And to make my drinks strong..

 **Clarke Griffin:** Absolutely.

Octavia started to stir just then and Clarke placed her phone back to the side. Octavia turned over to her and smiled.

“Remember when we were growing up there was almost never a night in the summer we weren’t having a sleepover?” Clarke turned on to her side to face Octavia and laughed softly nodding.

“Even when you were in trouble I had to climb through Bellamy’s stupid window just to lay with you while you cried or bitched about something.” Octavia made a face and then burst out laughing. Clarke smiled at her laugh she couldn’t help but be in awe at how beautiful both the Blake’s were. They were blessed. 

Octavia cleared her throat and snuggled into her pillow a little more, “I’m pretty sure the last time we did this was right after your dad…” Clarke nodded in understanding and sighed.

“I was so lucky to have all of you guys after..”

“Hey, no matter what happened or how mad I was…you’ll always have me.”

“But you’re an adult now and you’re living with Lincoln, Jasper is going on an actual date, Raven is successful as hell,” she pauses “and Bellamy is getting…married.”

Octavia smirked and rolled her eyes, “Says the hot New York painter.”

Clarke giggled and hid her face in her pillow mumbling, “You call that success?” She looked back towards Octavia.

“I call it happiness and I think that is success.”

Clarke could feel the heat rise to her face and she moved closer to Octavia snuggling her head into her chest and they just lay there together. The last three years of her life were some of her happiest but being home made her happy too. She came to realize that it wasn’t where you were or what you were doing…it was who you are with that determines how full your heart is.

It was Sunday so Clarke used that as an excuse to wear sweats all day and paint her heart out. She couldn’t stop thinking about her texts with Bellamy last night. It was so carefree and easy like it used to be. He actually texted her to check on her and apologize for not saying goodbye. Sure, he’d always take care of her and Octavia but after all these years she still felt important to him.

The bar wasn’t open late tonight so her shift would be short and probably easy considering most people just come in to takeout food. When she got there later on Jasper was already there sitting with a cute girl with dark wavy hair. The smiles on their faces were enough to make her whole night. That is, until she saw Bellamy. He was wiping down a counter and she watched the muscle definition through his shirt contract as he moved his arm back and forth. He glanced up and saw her walking towards him and smiled. She was done for.

“Hey,” she smiled back at him and walked behind the bar. She set her bag down underneath and leaned up against the bar next to Bellamy.

“Hey, since when does Jasper take girls on dates?” he replied back. She laughed and turned to watch them.

“You would know better than I would but when I talked to him earlier he seemed really anxious. He must really like her.” Jasper looked up at both of them and they quickly diverted their attention away.

Bellamy laughed softly and resumed his cleaning duties while Clarke took over the counter. They didn’t seem to get too busy but Jasper and his date, Maya, Clarke found out were still busy talking away.

“I can’t tell if he’s boring her and she’s just really nice or she likes his weirdness.” Bellamy crossed his arms over his chest and looked over at Clarke.

“Some people have a type Bell, maybe she is his?” She laughed softly and a flush crept up her face when they made eye contact.

“I feel like I don’t have a type.”

Clarke smiled and looked down at her feet. “Well..” she continued and looked back over at him “A few years ago your type was anything with legs and now? Well..if Gina got you to settle down she must really be your type.” 

“I guess.” Bellamy shrugged and the air tightened with a little bit of awkwardness. Clarke decided to drop the subject until he wanted to talk about it. They were getting back into their friendship slowly, but surely.

A few hours went by and Clarke could feel herself getting tired. She yawned and looked over at the clock on the wall: 8:13. She looked over at Bellamy who was playing games on his phone and then over at Jasper and Maya still talking away.

“Do they not realize we close at 8 tonight? People have things to do.” Clarke laid her head on the bar and Bellamy laughed softly.

“What possibly do you have to do?”

“Not be here…duh.” Clarke sat up and smiled big at him, he smiled back and shook his head. A few minutes later Jasper and Maya bid farewell and they began their nightly cleaning duties.

“I met her at school..” Bellamy said softly. Clarke turned around from stocking shelves to look at him.

“School?” He nodded.

“The fall after you left…I went upstate a little to get my associates in business. Her family is from down here and she always wanted to go to school here so she did, and we met.” He shrugged and just watched her.

“Did you finish?”

“Of course I finished I’m not a quitter.”

Clarke smiled at that and nodded, “Wow that’s great Bellamy, really. Congrats.”

“Thank you,” he smiled and kicked his feet a little. “Kane and I are in talks about me taking over this place. It’s home. My mom worked here once, we use to sneak in here all the time, and now it’s my job and It’s something I want to be mine.”

“I can see it.” They managed to move a little closer to one another in midst of the conversation, Clarke hopped up on the bar and swung her feet while listening to him talk so passionately about being a small business owner. It made her appreciate this town more than a big city.

“Anyway, we met and hit it off and I asked her to marry me and here we are.”

“Where does she go on weekends?”

“She lives primarily in Boston. Her whole life is up there and her dad owns a string of hotels that she basically runs herself.” Bellamy was leaning on the bar next to Clarke.

“Wow, ambitious. Piecing together your type of girl is really hard.” She giggled and he rolled his eyes shaking his head. He turned to finish cleaning up.

“I’m happy for you Bell. I’m happy that you found someone that cares about you and will forever.”

He smiled down at the ground listening to her. 

“And I also commend her for wanting to put up with you forever.” She joked. Although, the pit in her stomach knew that forever was hard for her to swallow. 

Bellamy laughed softly as they headed towards the door together, “I’m slightly offended that my best friend is implying she doesn’t want to put up with me forever.”

Clarke stopped in her tracks and he turned to look at what she was doing.

“I’m still your best friend?” The smile plastered across her face. Bellamy pushed her shoulder lightly and headed out the door. She followed close behind, “Even after everything?” 

“Clarke..” He was locking the door behind them and she put her hands on her hips.

“Yes, okay?” Before she could even think about what she was doing she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. He couldn’t help but fall into her and do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babes! Go check out my other story "Presidential Divide!"


	9. Sparks - Coldplay

It had been a couple of days since that night they closed the bar together and Bellamy couldn’t seem to shake the thought of her. They had spent the weeks since she had been back re learning everything about each other but the truth was nothing had really changed. It was easy with Clarke. It always had been. They texted all the time, though he knew she texted all of them all the time so he wasn’t that special. He had to give her credit, she was really trying hard for everyone. Sometimes he’d be so caught up in texting her about his plans for the bar that he would forget to text Gina back.

Gina brought it up the next weekend she was down to visit.

“You’ve been really busy with work huh?” She raised an eyebrow and stared him down.

Bellamy shrugged, “I uh just try to help out when I can.”

“Well you think hiring Clarke would make it less work for you but she’s obviously not doing too well.”

Bellamy shakes his head and Gina crosses her arms over her chest. “Can we talk about something other than work babe? Please?”

They decided to go out to dinner with some of their friends. Miller, Raven, and Monty couldn’t make it because they were all working but he hadn’t expected Clarke not to show up. When Bellamy got a chance he texted Clarke asking where she was and that she was missing him spilling pasta sauce all over himself. But he got no reply.

“Where’s Clarke tonight?” Octavia looked up from her food and swallowed what she had in her mouth. She looked over at Harper who was quick to take the conversation over.

“Me and Octavia set her up on a date.” Jasper snickered and Lincoln rolled his eyes. Bellamy’s stomach dropped a little and he wasn’t exactly sure why. Especially when his date, and fiancé, was sitting right next to him.

“I wish you two would leave her alone, she just moved back here let her settle.” Lincoln shook his head and then took a bite of his food.

“That’s exactly why we are doing it. What if she meets her future husband? She’ll never leave Arkadia then.” Octavia grinned as if she was proud of herself.

“You’re being ridiculous, give Clarke some credit, she isn’t going to leave us again.” Jasper countered back.

Bellamy stayed quiet during the conversation and he could feel Gina tense up next to him until she spoke, “I think it’s good for her to meet other people. Like Octavia said, you never know she could meet a special someone. Like we did, right Bell?” She leaned into his side and he wrapped his arm around her nodding.

Monday night Bellamy and Miller had been drinking a couple of beers and watching football. His phone buzzed next to him and he glanced over to it. When it read Clarke’s name he grabbed it a little too quickly for Miller’s liking.

 **Clarke Griffin:** I’m bored. Why are all of our friends adults and boring now?

“Future wife or the blonde and the beautiful?” Miller grinned into the tip of his beer bottle as he watched Bellamy type back with a smile on his face.

“Listen dickhead, I’m just trying to reconnect.” Bellamy put his phone down and gave Miller a look.

“Reconnect your lips?”

Bellamy grabbed a pillow from the couch beside him and chucked it at Millers head. Miller laughed, set his bottle down, and stood up. “I gotta get going, I’m helping Kane tonight. Say hi to Clarke for me.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes as Miller shut the front door behind him. Bellamy invited Clarke over to watch a movie and have some drinks and she accepted. He went through the downstairs and cleaned up as much as he could. Upstairs, in his bedroom he was debating whether or not to change the shirt he had on when Clarke tumbled through his window like she use to when they were younger. He laughed and helped her up.

“Ow.” She groaned and rubbed her arm.

“You do realize my mom’s dead and we have a functional front door right?” Bellamy crossed his arms and she smiled up at him.

“I just felt like it was necessary because you know…memories. But remind me to never do it again I’m too old for this shit.” He laughed softly.

“You’re old? What am I then?”

“Older…duh.” She grinned and started glancing around his room. “This hasn’t changed at all.”

Bellamy shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. “O’s room changed because it’s Miller’s now.”

“I heard. I’m glad you guys are still close and that you kept this place.”

He smiled and headed towards the door. “C’mon I bet you could use a drink.”

“Ah Bellamy Blake you are speaking my language.” She followed him down the steps and into the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of wine and poured her a glass and slid it to her.  
“Sooo when did you start drinking heavily?” Bellamy smirked.

Clarke almost choked on her wine and she set the glass down, “I promise I didn’t turn into an alcoholic or anything. Just coming here has been really stressful is all..”

“Well I’m glad New York allowed you to grow up a bit and have some fun regardless.”

Clarke felt the heat rise to her face and she nodded. She grabbed her wine glass and made her way into the conjoining living room. She stopped in her tracks when she saw what was on the wall. It was her first painting: a view of the lake that they use to go to every year, hanging here in Arkadia, on Bellamy’s wall. She felt him close in behind her and she didn’t know what to say or think.

When Bellamy finally cleared his throat Clarke jumped and dropped her wine on the carpet. She dropped down and started patting it, “Oh my god Bell I’m so sorry.”

Bellamy laughed softly and grabbed a towel nearby he leaned down across from her and starting dabbing the wine up. Clarke sighed and looked up at him. They were only inches from each other.

“H- How do you have that?”

“Your mom told us about the gallery and you selling some stuff online. I saw that.” He looked past her at the painting and then back at her, “And I had to.”

“It was the first piece I ever sold…I never knew to who it went to.” She swallowed hard and didn’t shift her gaze from his.

“You’re looking at him.” He smiled and glanced down at her lips. The closeness finally threw him off and he cleared his throat again, standing up. She followed suit. There was a lot of tension in the air after that and for the rest of the night but it wasn’t of the awkward kind.


	10. 5AM - Amber Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavy Bellarke Fluff <3

Clarke made sure to wake up early the morning of Raven’s birthday. They had a long day and night ahead of them but she knew making Raven breakfast in bed would allow her a few extra hours of sleep before Raven woke her up to do anything.

She set everything on a tray and slowly opened Raven’s bedroom door but unfortunately for Clarke she wasn’t alone. There lay one of Monty’s old high school buddies, Wick. Clarke yelped and Raven rolled over looking at her. Clarke was looking away, “Happy Birthday?”

Raven giggled and threw the blanket over Wick. “Thank you! You can look now.”

Clarke peeked over her shoulder and then set the food on top of her dresser. Wick stirred, still sleeping. Clarke whispered, “How long has this…?”

“It’s an on and off thing for a while now.” Raven shrugged and yawned a bit.

“Okay well tell me more later. Can I go to bed now with good best friend bragging rights?” Raven nodded and smiled. “See you.”

Clarke shut the door behind her and went straight back into her room. She picked up her phone trying to decide who to gossip with when she realized it was seven in the morning. She remembered Bellamy was old and usually up early so she clicked on him. 

“You alright?” He picked up on the second ring.

“Yes yes I just need to gossip real quick.”

“I think you’ve got the wrong Blake.”

“Nope you’re the one I want….err I mean I want to talk to. Anyway, I saw Wick naked this morning.”

“Oh?” He sounded…disappointed.

“No like with Raven! Not me!”

“Oh. Wow that’s still happening?”

“Um apparently! She didn’t even tell me, like I know I’m kinda new and all to everything again but come on.”

Bellamy just laughed softly on the other line.

“It’s just not something I wanted to see this morning.”

“Jeeze what do you usually do when you sleep with someone the next morning? Shield your eyes?”

Clarke rolled her eyes but she couldn’t help but smile, “You know what I mean dumbass.”

There was a hesitant silence on his end and then, “Speaking of..I never really asked you how your date was.”

Clarke cleared her throat, “Oh you know, just not my type at all.” 

“No one is your type.”

“Ouch?”

Bellamy laughed softly, “Just because I don’t think there’s anyone good enough to be your type honestly.” Clarke’s stomach flipped and she bit her lip.

“I..um,” She so badly wanted to tell him he was. “Thank you Bellamy. I’m exhausted though I’m going to try to get a couple more hours in. See you tonight?”

“See you tonight.”

Clarke was going to have a rough time sleeping after that one.

\---

Most of their friends were into partying but at smaller venues like the dropship but Raven had other ideas. She wanted to go to the next town over for her birthday celebrations and go clubbing. The only other person who was thrilled about the idea was Jasper. Clarke didn’t mind too much. She partied a lot in New York and a lot of places involved loud music and dancing. She missed it honestly so tonight was perfect. 

She broke out one of her tight dresses and best heels. Of course, Octavia stole from her closet too. She couldn’t miss out on the opportunity to wear anything high fashion. While Clarke was looking at herself in the mirror she couldn’t help but think about the last three years she missed out on celebrating her friends. She would make sure she made up for it tonight. 

Octavia finished up her makeup and Clarke grabbed her wrist and dragged her out into the kitchen on her and Raven’s apartment. Raven was already pouring shots and shimmying her shoulders to the song coming from their speakers. She eyed the both of them and sighed.

“You’re not supposed to look better than me on my birthday you know..” Clarke rolled her eyes and hugged her resting her head on her shoulder. “Oh shush you are gorgeous and we are so excited to celebrate you, right O?”

Octavia nodded and grabbed the shot glasses nearest to her, “To Raven mother fucking Reyes!” The girls giggled and followed suit. They tapped glasses and knocked the shots back. 

By the time the girls made it to the club in their cab they were already half falling over from drinking too much. Everyone else was meeting them there but they missed out on the pregame. When Clarke followed Raven and Octavia into the back where they had a booth reserved she saw Bellamy instantly. She smiled big and headed his direction until she saw a small hand place itself on his chest. Gina was with him. Her smile dropped and she changed her direction to go towards Miller instead. 

She bumped her hip into his and he smirked. The girls made their rounds around the table saying hi to everyone. Bellamy swallowed hard when Clarke nodded his way and smiled at Gina. It seemed like when she was around they took one step back. Harper waved a drink in Clarke’s face and she took it a little too eagerly knocking it back.

“Come on,” She grabbed both Miller and Harper and led them to the middle of the floor out of the view of everyone. They were all coupled off with someone and Clarke was ready to just let loose without strings. She knew Miller and Harper wouldn’t disappoint. Clarke spun Harper around and they laughed hard. Miller of course was jumping up and down singing every word he possibly could. Eventually Jasper made her way through the crowd and joined the three of them. Maya had an early morning.

\---

Bellamy and clubs didn’t mix. He just wanted a beer with good music in a lowkey bar, but this was for Raven. And he didn’t realize he enjoyed it a little more just to see Clarke the way she was dressed. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her and every time he saw a flash of her blonde hair in the crowd he smiled. Gina made her way back to his side. She was talking to Raven and Octavia for a bit. She handed him another beer and he smiled down at her. Fuck, he had this amazing girl in his life why was he focusing on something unrealistic and historic at this point. He sucked in a deep breath and planted a kiss on Gina’s lips. She smiled and turned her body, she started to dance up against him. It was a lot easier to not feel awkward in this setting now that he had a good amount of alcohol in his system. Miller made an appearance a little later.

“I can’t keep up with them holy shit.” He smirked and grabbed one of the bottles on Raven’s table and took a big swig. Gina had stopped dancing when he came over. Miller handed her the bottle, “Come on girl you need to have a little more fun than big Blake over here can offer you.” He pulled her out into the crowd and Bellamy laughed softly. He glanced over to where his sister and Lincoln were practically groping each other and shuddered looking away fast. He saw Clarke from a distance going through the crowd towards the doors. 

He stood for a minute and put his drink down on the bar next to him. He swears up and down it was just the alcohol worrying him but he followed her out. 

The fresh air hit him instantly and he made a sigh of relief. There was a good amount of people escaping the heat or outside smoking. Clarke was leaning against the side of the building with her phone in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

“You know smoking kills right?” He leaned on the wall next to her. She smirked and her eyes roamed from her phone and up his body to his face. She took a long drag and then handed it to him. He took it and did the same. 

“It’s a drunk thing I do, I hate it.” She took another drag and smiled at her phone. “God nights like these make me so nostalgic about every damn thing in my life.”

Bellamy looked over at her listening. “I miss New York nights with my friends, but then I just miss nights with you guys. Everyone getting in trouble…me having to pick up the pieces. The best of both worlds.” She was rambling. 

Bellamy took the cigarette out of her hand and put it out. She looked at him and he smirked. “I guess it’s time we get to pick up your pieces now, huh?”

A blush crept up onto Clarke’s cheeks and he realized how close they were in that moment, again. 

“Where is Gina?” Clarke whispered and Bellamy went to answer something slick when Raven’s voice rang through their ears. Bellamy stepped away from Clarke and they looked back towards the door. Raven and Finn, of all people, were at each other’s throats and most of their friends were trying to pull Raven’s drunk ass away from him.

Clarke stormed past Bellamy towards the scene unfolding in front of them. “Shit,” he mumbled and was right on her heels. Gina pressed herself into his side almost as if she was scared of Raven. Which she probably should be. Lincoln had finally pulled Raven away and pulled her inside so Octavia could calm her down, but then a drunken Clarke took over.

“It’s her fucking birthday, are you seriously harassing her?!” She pushed him in the chest but he was more shocked to see her than anything.

“Cl-Clarke, What are you..?” He held her arms when she tried to go for him again and Bellamy started for her but Gina pulled him as Jasper and Miller pushed Finn back away from her. Finn laughed at their effort. He wasn’t intimidated by either of them. 

“Clarke come on. This bullshit was years ago. You have no idea how good it is to see you. See both of you.” This pushed a button somewhere in Clarke and she lunged forward. Bellamy broke from Gina’s grasp just in time and grabbed Clarke’s body pulling her back to where him and Gina were.

“Get out of here Finn….seriously!” Jasper spoke up and Finn rolled his eyes, walking away from the bar. Clarke was all worked up, tears were streaming down her face and she was completely frustrated that everyone was crowding her making her feel like she was a kid that couldn’t fight her own battles. She broke away from all of them and started walking in the direction of home. Bellamy sighed and looked over at Miller. He nodded in understanding and put his arm around Gina’s shoulder.

“Bellamy will get her home safe, and then he will meet us back at our place, but we need another drink first.” Gina smiled at Miller but looked at Bellamy worried. He leaned in and kissed her forehead and then headed towards the direction of Clarke.

When he caught up to her she was trying to light another cigarette and he just laughed. She looked up at him and rolled her eyes. “I don’t wanna hear it Bellamy.” She stumbled through her words as much as she was stumbling on her heels. He stayed quiet and walked beside her. She finally stopped and took her heels off.

“Come on Clarke, you’re going to catch something out here.” He glanced around the sidewalk. She kept walking.

“The only thing I’m catching is some kind of disease from being that near Finn!” He laughed softly and shook his head. He couldn’t watch her go through this any longer so he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder so they could walk the rest of the way safely and without complaint. Almost.

“BELLAMY BLAKE PUT ME DOWN!” She was squirming all over the place and he held her legs together doing everything in his power not to think of her dress riding up her body right next to his head.

Eventually, she gave up the fight and must’ve knocked out on the walk back. He used her key to get into the apartment but before he could put her in her bed like he first did the weekend she got here she woke up and slid down to the ground steadying herself on her feet. 

“Wow we’re home already?!” She rubbed her eye and smudged her makeup a little. He couldn’t help but smile at her. He put her shoes down by the door. “Thank you.”

He looked back at her and shrugged, “What are friends for?”

She bit her lip and closed the gap between them wrapping her arms around his neck hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her body and held her close. When she pulled away he didn’t want to let go, but he had to. It seemed like he always had to let go of Clarke in some way. She smiled sleepily and turned to head to her room.

“Hey Clarke?”

She turned on her heel to look at him.

“Did you know I think you’re beautiful?” He could see her suck in a breath and then she bit her lip just looking at him. He nodded towards her in goodbye and closed the door behind him. He leaned against it and sighed. Damnit, he still loved that girl.


	11. If Eyes Could Speak - Devon Werkheiser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited about the feedback from the last chapter I decided to spoil everyone with a second one in the same day. This was 100% written on my phone @ work so I hope you enjoy with all the mistakes I'm sure there are. Thank you all so much! This is part 1 of 2 at the lake house :)

Raven returned home from work to a stack of textbooks on the table. 

"Clarke..?" The blonde peeked her head out of her bedroom and smiled.

"Yesss?" Raven pointed to the books and Clarke walked over to her. "This girl is going to nursing school in the fall. My mom got me in."

"Seriously? Oh my god Clarke that's great! But I thought you didn't want to because of your dad?" Clarke leaned against the table and crossed her arms.

"At first no, but I want to help people so they don't lose their dads like I did you know?"

"I bet your mom is stoked." Raven laughed softly as Clarke rolled her eyes. 

In a mocking tone of Abby, "It's no MD Clarke, but I'm glad you're moving forward in your career." 

The girls both giggled and Clarke sighed. "I'm doing it for him and that's all that matters." 

"Soooo I get to keep my best friend for a few more months then?"

"Yeah you're pretty much stuck with me." 

"Good because I had put no effort into finding another roommate to take over." 

Clarke laughed softly, "I'm sure wick wouldn't mind." Raven made a face and Clarke wiggled her eyebrows. 

"Oh Jesus, maybe wishing you'd stay was a mistake." Clarke looked at her shocked and Raven pushed her gently laughing. 

"Have you started packing yet?" Raven walked into their kitchen to find some dinner. 

"I've been packed for two weeks. I've been looking forward to the lake house since I left." 

"I'm glad we decided on the no significant others rule. It's been a long time since it's been just everyone there." 

Clarke smiled and sat up on the counter near Raven. "Says you, you are one of the newest to go there. I remember being there making sure all my barbies were packed." 

Raven smiled up at her. "It'll be nice for you." 

"Absolutely."

\---

They had to take two separate cars to accommodate all of them. The only way to do it was boys vs girls because a race to the house was long overdue. It was Raven driving for the girls and Miller for the guys. 

They were all waiting to leave but Octavia and Lincoln were having a hard time saying goodbye for the weekend. Clarke was leaning her back against Ravens car with her arms crossed over her chest. She was watching Jasper figure out what key on his key ring was to the lake house. He officially inherited it from his parents. 

Monty was getting frustrated with him and finally snatched it out of his hand. "Why do you need this many keys?!" 

Bellamy finally showed up and parked his jeep in front of Harper's house where they were all meeting. He jumped out of his jeep and grabbed a backpack out of the back pulling it on his shoulders. Clarke bit her lip watching him. 

Raven cleared her throat and Clarke shook herself out of her trance. "Sorry what?"

"You've got to be kidding me, is that still a thing?!" She nodded her head towards Bellamy who was walking up the driveway talking to Miller from a distance. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Clarke felt the heat rise to her face. 

"Clarke I can't believe you still have a crush on him it's been three years! And he's getting married!" Clarke grabbed onto Ravens arm and pulled her around the other side of the car away from everyone.

"Keep your voice down!" 

"Are we telling secrets?" They hadn't noticed Octavia finally parting from Lincoln and coming their way. 

"Clarke still has feelings for your brother." 

"Clarke what the hell?"

"I literally looked at him and you're jumping to conclusions!" 

Raven rolled her eyes and directed her attention to Octavia, "She had that look she use to have, it's still there, there was no jumping." 

Octavia looked over at Clarke, "Don't do this to yourself again, Clarke he's getting married!"

Clarke sighed and looked down at her feet, "Yeah I know.." 

"Let's not forget to mention that your almost ten year crush was never once returned, I thought you would have gotten over it by now!" 

Clarke broke away from the two of them, "I get it okay?! It's just been weird since I came back...all these feelings came rushing back and now I still can't have him and it's like the game it's always been." 

Octavia frowned and glanced at Raven. "Clarke...it can't be a game anymore though. We're growing up, he actually has someone else it's not a one night stand...he's my brother and you're my best friend but I'm going to side with him on this one. This is his future please don't mess it up." 

Clarke nodded and Octavia pulled her into a hug and then went to join everyone else. Clarke looked up to Raven and shrugged but Raven smirked at her. 

"What?" 

"You know he looks at you the same way still too right?" 

Clarke glanced over and caught Bellamy's eye he smiled at her and she smiled back looking at Raven. 

"He just missed me, we were really close you know."

"How are you so smart but so stupid?" Raven rolled her eyes and Clarke looked at her pleadingly. 

"He told me I was beautiful again just like that night when we were younger and he was drunk.." 

"When was this?!"

"Your birthday.."

Raven smirked and linked arms with Clarke. "Oh Clarke this weekend is going to be verrrrry interesting!" 

Clarke was at odds with everything she was feeling. Did she still have feelings for Bellamy? Signs point to yes but should she? No. Octavia was right and she shouldn't get in the way of his future but if Raven was right maybe she already was. Maybe he even wanted her to.


	12. Dynasty - MIIA

Raven demolished Miller in the race to the lake house but the girls had to stand there anyway because Jasper had the key. Clarke was in awe at how it hadn't changed a bit. She walked down to the dock and looked out over the water. It looked just like the painting hanging in Bellamy's house and she was glad she could never get the image out of her mind. 

The boys pulled up honking and being obnoxious she laughed to herself and headed back up towards the house. 

When Monty got out of the vehicle he gave Harper a quick sweet kiss and Octavia pulled Harper away. "Nope no way, I couldn't bring Lincoln you guys are not dating this weekend." 

Harper laughed softly and Monty shook his head. 

"O is just mad she can't kiss her boyfriend under the fireworks on the fourth." Miller spoke up and Octavia stuck her tongue out at him. 

Clarke smiled when she joined the group listening to their conversation. "We didn't have anyone here to kiss when we were 16 so we're not kissing anyone now.” 

“How long does is this nostalgia thing gonna last for?” Jasper spoke up and Clarke narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Can’t you guys shut up and just humor me for old times sake?!” Everyone laughed and Clarke crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Of course we can! But let’s not waste another moment!” Raven grabbed Clarke and pulled her inside the house. 

Miller, Monty, and Bellamy were unloading the vehicles while everyone else ran inside.

“Hey wasn’t this a weekend for Gina to visit?” Monty asked looking over to Bellamy. 

He nodded and then shrugged, “One weekend won’t kill her and besides this is what Clarke wanted.” 

Monty and Miller looked at each other smirking and Bellamy caught it. 

“What?”

“It’s what Clarke wanted.” Miller mocked Bellamy and Monty tried to suppress his laughter. 

Bellamy rolled his eyes and shoved Miller into Monty and they all busted out laughing. 

The rest of the night was spent drinking and playing pong like they were underage again. Monty strummed some songs on his guitar and they all just got to relax and talk to each other. 

Octavia was roaming around trying to find cell service to talk to Lincoln. 

Harper smiled and turned to the group, “ I think it’s sweet that after two years they’re still attached to the hip.” 

“I think she needs to stop being brainwashed on this idea of love.” Bellamy mumbled and Raven laughed. 

“Says the guy getting married.” They all laughed softly, Bellamy included. He stood up and stretched then headed towards Octavia. They talked for a bit, an argument broke out, and Bellamy stomped down to the dock. 

They all sighed when Octavia went in the house and slammed the door. Clarke stood up and went after the older Blake. 

When she reached the dock he was sitting at the end with his feet dangling over the water. She sat in the spot next to him. 

“I find it refreshing you two still fight.” 

Bellamy shook his head trying to hide his smile. A few moments of silence passed and Clarke just watched the stars. 

“I admire you for going out and getting a taste of the world. I always had this fear Octavia would leave too and never come back but now I’m afraid she’s so caught in Lincoln she’s never going to experience life.” Bellamy sighed and set his finished beer on between them. 

“That’s not true, everyone experiences life differently and if she’s happy let her be happy Bell, come on we’re not little girls anymore.” She reaches over and set her hand on his leg. 

He looked over at her and she smiled. He smiled back.

“I know you’re not...” He glanced down at her lips and she moved in closer at the same time he did. He moved his hand up to cup her face and leaned in. 

“Hey!” Jasper yelled and they immediately separated with flushed faces. 

“What?!” Bellamy shot back and Clarke laughed softly. 

“Are you guys coming in with us or not?” 

Bellamy sighed and looked at Clarke. 

“Come on,” She stood up and held out her hand which he grabbed pulling himself up. She started for the house and he rand his hand through his hair trying to decipher what just happened. 

Bellamy got the short end of the stick and ended up on the couch opposite of Miller who was snoring away. He thought it was the snoring keeping him awake but he kept staring at Octavia and Clarke’s door wondering if she was thinking the same things he was.

—

The next day when everyone was up Clarke and Bellamy kept catching each other’s glances but they hadn’t really spoken a word to each other. Clarke couldn’t was the smile off her face though. 

In the afternoon after a few drinks some of them decided to go out kayaking. Clarke took one, Bellamy took one, and Monty and Raven took a two seater out. 

Clarke took in the sights around the lake like she’s never seen anything so beautiful. It was easily interrupted by Raven and Monty bickering about how to paddle. They weren’t making out so great. Bellamy started laughing at them. 

“This isn’t as easy as it looks Blake.” Raven spat. 

“You’re kidding right? I could do this shit standing up.” 

“Let’s see it then.” Raven countered back. Monty sighed and Clarke laughed softly. 

Bellamy balanced himself and stood on his seat grabbing his paddle. He went to paddle and lost his balance, falling in the water. All three of them burst out laughing when Bellamy reached back up to the surface. He was near Clarke’s kayak and she couldn’t stop laughing. 

“Oh you think this is funny, huh?” 

Clarke nodded, holding her stomach from laughing. 

Bellamy swam over to her and started rocking her boat.

“Bell! No! Don’t you dare!” 

Bellamy smirked and tipped her over. Raven and Monty laughed even harder and started paddling as fast as they could before they were next. Somehow they got it down and left Clarke and Bellamy behind. When Clarke resurfaced she slashed Bellamy in the face. 

“God you’re such a dick. These are my cute clothes.” Clarke pouted and Bellamy laughed softly. 

“Well I think you look cuter now.” 

Clarke giggled and splashed him again. After a bit of treading water they decided to race back to shore with their kayaks in tow. Clarke beat Bellamy by a second and he accused her of cheating. 

They started walking up shore towards the course laughing together. 

“It’s not cheating it’s called you’re just an old man now.” She pushes him and he laughed softly.

“Bellamy?” A soft voice called out.

They both looked up to see Gina standing up near the house. 

“Gina? What are you doing here?” Bellamy closed the gap a bit getting up closer to her. When he turned to look for Clarke she had already passed and was heading in the house alone. 

“I know you guys said no significant others but I figured one night wouldn’t kill anyone. Besides it’s 4th of July and I’m almost your wife. I should be included you know?” She said it so softly and he smiled at her nodding. She pushed herself into his chest and hugged him tightly. He stared at the house over her head and sighed. 

Having Gina mixed in created an awkward tension amongst everyone. They were all use to being annoying with each other but Clarke was right having a significant other around was weird. They sat around the fire that night just making small talk. Gina had herself nuzzled in between Bellamys legs, resting her head on one. Clarke had to look away before she rolled her eyes permanently out of her head. Octavia nudged her to behave and Clarke plastered a fake smile on her face and took a big swig of Monty’s moonshine. 

“So Raven, how did you become part of this little group?” Gina smiled in her direction. 

“Clarke and I dated the same guy and she was the other woman.” Raven shrugged and Gina looked surprised. They all started laughing after. 

“We’re over it now thank god we realized we were better off with each other than with him.” Raven spoke again and smiled over at Clarke. 

“Is that the guy from the club the other night?” Gina asked and Clarke nodded. 

“The one and only Finn Collins.”

“Man I hate that guy.” Miller interjected and Clarke smiled at him. 

“He was my first boyfriend so everyone kind of wanted to kill him for breaking my heart.” Clarke glanced up at Bellamy and smiled and Gina shifted uncomfortably. 

“Well what about New York? Have anyone special waiting there?” She asked Clarke directly. 

Everyone turned to her because Hey hadn’t heard much about New York from Clarke herself. 

She shrugged, “I saw a few people here and there but before I moved back I had just gotten out of this relationship with this girl-“

“You date girls too?” Gina sounded surprised again.

Clarke smiled and nodded, “we were just headed different paths and she was still hung up on her ex girlfriend too so..always the other woman I am.” Clarke held her beer bottle up and drank. Some of them followed. 

“I’m sorry Clarke. I hope you find someone some day.” She smiled and Clarke bit her lip just nodding trying not to look at Gina’s someone in the eye. 

The rest of the night went by with more of an ease when everyone had more alcohol in their system. When the fireworks went off and Gina was hanging all over Bellamy, Clarke decided it wasn’t a show she was interested in seeing. Raven hugged her tightly without anyone noticing and she slipped off inside to go to bed.


	13. The Devil’s Tears - Angus & Julia Stone

Between what happened on the 4th and her mother’s wedding coming up in a week, Clarke just didn’t really feel like socializing much. She didn’t go out with all of them and at work she kept to herself and her customers which confused Bellamy and Miller. 

“You think it’s because of Gina?” Miller questioned Bellamy after Clarke went home for the night. 

“What do you mean because of Gina?” 

“Because you know...she kind of showed up unannounced and it was Clarke’s big reunion trip..” Miller opened another bottle for a man at the bar and slid it in his direction. 

“Maybe, because she can barely stand to look at me. But then there’s also her moms wedding to Kane.” Bellamy crossed his arms and glanced back to Kane’s office. “I think it still might bother her.” 

“Hm ever the mysterious woman that one is.” Miller eyes Bellamy for a reaction. 

“Yeah she sure is.” Bellamy looked back at Miller and shifted uncomfortably. “Say it Miller.” 

“Were you mad because of Gina?” 

Bellamy laughed softly and shook his head, “Thats a dumb question of course I don’t mind that my fiancé showed up.” Bellamy scoffed again and turned around to keep himself busy. 

“Mhm.” Miller waited.

“I mean it is kind of annoying she just showed up right in the middle of everything.” 

Miller raised an eyebrow and Bellamy swung around. “Middle of the trip or middle of flirting with Clarke.” 

Bellamy couldn’t help the heat rushing to his face. “It’s just...confusing.” 

“What’s confusing about loving two girls at once? Pfft.” Miller started laughing and Bellamy swatted a towel at him.

“I don’t love her.” 

“Which one?” 

Bellamy shot him a look and he raised his hands in surrender. 

“Okay okay whatever.” 

“It’s just unresolved tension I think.” Bellamy sighed.

“After the kiss that made THE Bellamy Blake realize he was in loooove.” 

“Please be more annoying I love it so much.” Miller laughed and Bellamy joined in. 

A few moments of silence passed as they were looking over the bar. 

“Should I check on her or let her come to me?” Bellamy glanced over at Miller who had a smirk on his face. 

“Maybe you should admit your undying love and call it a day! Leave her be Bellamy, just let her simmer before you push her away again.” 

Bellamy nodded.

—

The night before Kane and Abby’s wedding was rough for Clarke. She had felt better than she did before about everything but the reality setting in was taking a toll on her. She just really missed her dad. 

Raven had gone out with Wick on a ‘real adult date’ as Clarke called it. So she ordered in some Chinese and threw on some Friends on Netflix. Her doorbell rang and she grabbed her money and went to answer it. 

Her heart nearly flipped when Bellamy was standing at the door. He smirked at the money in her hand. 

“I mean I wasn’t expecting to be paid for my services but if you’re willing...” he raised an eyebrow and she laughed softly pushing his chest. 

She let him in and he made himself at home on the other side of her couch with her Netflix. The Chinese came soon after and he made himself at home with that too. Clarke couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Why are you here Bellamy?” 

He looked up at her from the historical documentary he swore she’d love.

“If you don’t recall we use to watch these and hang out on the nights you couldn’t sleep.” He put his arm up on the back of the couch. She glanced at the spot next to him and then up to meet his gaze. 

“How’d you know I haven’t been able to sleep?” 

“Because I know you, and tomorrow is bothering you.” He said softly looking back at the television. 

The red crept to her face and she bit down on her lip. She crawled across the couch and laid her head down on his lap. He hesitated at first but then he ran his hands through her hair slowly while she held back her tears. 

“She’s replacing him.” She whispered. 

“She would never replace him Clarke. Just like you never would.” He looked down and watched his fingers make their way through her hair. 

Clarke stayed quiet and he could tell she was finally letting the tears fall. 

“You know,” he spoke up, “you left for a few years and I never replaced you.” 

Clarke laughed softly and turned her body so she was looking up at him. He wiped a tear off her cheek and smiled. 

“You know that’s bullshit though right? You absolutely replaced me.” She smiled and then but her lip again. 

“Oh yeah?” 

She nodded, “You think when your married you’re allowed to come to your single, hot, best friends house and watch endless documentaries until- “ She lifted her head off his lap to see the time, “1:30 in the morning?” 

Bellamy swallowed hard and this time he was the quiet one. Clarke sat up and turned to face him. They were still close. 

“It’s okay Bell, we all have to grow up and move on sometime.” She shrugged and half smiled. 

“You act like I wanted to.” He finally spoke up. 

“Wanted to what?” 

“Move on.” Clarke looked into his eyes and the intimacy threw Bellamy off. He stood up quick and walk around to the back of the couch starting to pace. 

“Fuck Clarke what are we doing?!” He ran his hands threw his hair. “How could you just...just kiss me and then leave! Leave and ignore my calls and just drop me like I was nothing!” 

Clarke’s heart dropped into her stomach and she looked up at him, worried. She remembered this kiss as much as she remembered every freckle pattern on his face. 

“I...I don’t know...” she said softly. 

“You don’t know?!” He placed his hands on the back of the couch leaning against it slightly. 

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal Bellamy.” 

“Not a big deal? That my best friend would just decide she was going to kiss me out of nowhere and pretend like it wasn’t going to change anything?” He sighed.

“Of course it wasn’t going to change anything! Look-“ She stood up this time and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Bell I was in love with you since I was 13 and after my dad was gone and I just knew I had to get out of here...I couldn’t just leave without knowing.” 

Bellamy just stood across from her looking at her, “knowing what?” 

Clarke laughed softly and looked down. “Knowing what it was like to kiss the great Bellamy Blake.” 

Bellamy took a deep breath and shook his head. “You don’t think I didn’t wanna know what it was like to kiss the even greater Clarke Griffin?” 

Clarke looked up at him. 

“It was so fucking confusing. You were my baby sisters best friend my whole life. She would’ve killed me. But...I was falling for you. And then that kiss...I was a goner.” 

“Bellamy...”

“You broke my heart Clarke. I didn’t replace you as my best friend but I did have to replace you in my heart.” He said softly. 

Clarke just stood there. How could two idiots be in love with each other and be stupid enough to not know they felt the same. But of course like Octavia said...it was too late. 

“Well, I’m glad we could both move on from that.” She said softly and he looked at her intently then nodded. She sat back down on the couch and sighed. 

“Now can we find out what other bullshit theory this doc has for me to roll my eyes at?” She turned the tv volume up and he stayed behind the couch. 

“Maybe we should turn in for the night. It’s getting late and tomorrow’s kind of a big day..” 

Clarke sighed and turned the tv off. She stood back up and headed in the direction of her room. “Night bell, drive safe.” And she disappeared behind her door. Bellamy knew he didn’t make her night any better or Clarke any less upset with him but staying was dangerous. So he turned on his heel and was out the door.


	14. Ruin - Shawn Mendes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to my US readers! <3

Clarke tossed and turned that night thinking about Bellamy and her mom. She started regretting coming home for the first time since she had been there. Next thing she knew it was already morning and she could hear Raven coming in. There was a light knock on the door and she appeared shortly after. Clarke just frowned and Raven climbed into bed with her.

“I knew I shouldn’t have left last night.” Raven spoke up.

“Bellamy showed up. We kind of fought I think.”

“About what?” Raven raised an eyebrow.

Clarke just shook her head, “It’s not important, it hasn’t been for a really long time now.”

They laid there for the better part of the morning until Raven finally convinced Clarke to get up and get ready to go meet her mom for a day of pampering. 

Abby had paid for them to get their hair done and Clarke stayed quiet through most of the time there.

“You going to tell me what’s going on with you kid? I’m the nervous wreck over here.” Abby said softly and Clarke looked up from the magazine she was reading.

“You’re already technically married; it’s not like todays that big of a deal.” Abby sighed and looked at herself in the mirror, frowning. Clarke bit the inside of her cheek feeling guilty.

“Mom, I’m sorry. It is a big deal…I guess I’m just having a bad day.” She set the magazine down.

“Is it because of your father?”

Clarke swallowed hard and nodded.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think he would’ve expected me not to move on.” Abby reached out and held Clarke’s hand. “I will love him for the rest of my life no matter who I’m with or where I am.”

Clarke’s stomach dropped when Bellamy popped into her head. “Are you sure?”

“Positive. When you love someone, you love them. It’s that simple and nothing will replace him. I have you to remind me every day of the wonderful life we had together.” Clarke’s eyes welled up and Abby smiled warmly. 

“I haven’t seen you this happy in a while mom…” She wiped her eyes and looked up at Abby.

“I guess I learned not to take life too seriously.” Abby shrugged and laughed softly when Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Where was this attitude when I was applying to colleges?” Abby shook her head and they both laughed.

“You made a good life for yourself without med school. I’m proud of you for everything.”

Clarke smiled big. They finished off the rest of their day of pampering and met Marcus and a few other family members back at their new house to set up for the reception.

After getting ready and slipping on her dress, Clarke made her way downstairs. She saw her mom and Marcus talking to her group of friends and she smiled. Before she could make her way over to them, her parent’s old friend Thelonius Jaha intercepted her to talk about all things New York and the current political situation going on.

Across the yard, Octavia clenching Lincoln’s bicep and cringing at how uncomfortable Clarke looked talking to her mom’s friends. There were a lot more people at this reception than expected especially for one that’s not an actual wedding ceremony.

“Will one of you guys please go save her? This is horrible! She’s like a newborn baby being passed around and admired!”

Raven and Jasper snickered. Octavia smacked Jasper on the arm.

“Ow! Ok ok, I’ll go!” Jasper made his way over into the crowd of people and pulled Clarke aside and onto the dance floor where other people were casually dancing. 

Bellamy watched them and gulped down more of the drink he had in his hand and then smiled down at Gina who was stuck to his side. He really wanted to make sure Clarke was okay and to apologize for dropping everything on her. 

Miller laughed as Jasper swung Clarke around and he looked over at Bellamy. Bellamy sighed.

“I have to cut in before he breaks her leg or something.” Gina looked up at him and loosened her grip. She looked worried so he kissed her on the top of her head. He made his way through some people dancing until he reached the pair.

“Let this one go Jas, I’m cutting in.” 

Jasper sighed, “Probably for the best I keep stepping on her toes.”

Clarke laughed softly as Jasper stepped away. Bellamy replaced him in front of her, smiling slightly.

“You don’t dance Bellamy..” She said shy and looking down at her feet.

“I do, for you.” He held out his hand and she hesitated but took it. He pulled her into him and placed his other hand softly on her hip. A sigh escaped her lips and she looked up at him as they swayed together easily.

“You doing ok?” He questioned her and she nodded. 

“Me and mom talked. He would want her to be happy.”

Bellamy nodded, “He’d want you to be just as happy you know that right?”  
“I’m trying.” She settled into him more resting her head against his chest. He hoped she couldn’t hear his heart practically beating out of his chest. 

“I’m sorry about everything..” He held onto her tighter. “I shouldn’t have brought all of it up. It’s been years and we’re different people now.”

Clarke looked up at him, “Are we?”

Bellamy sucked in his breath and just looked at her. They had stopped dancing at some point and it felt like it was just the two of them left there in the world.

She pulled away first, out of his arms but still stayed close. He shook out of his trance and rubbed the back of his neck. “Can I ask you something?”

Clarke nodded and crossed her arms over her chest, almost insecure.

“Do you still?”

Clarke swallowed hard and just looked up at him again.

“You said you were in love with me…are you still?”

Before Clarke could say anything Abby cut the two of them off, “Sweetheart! I want you to come cut the cake with us.” Clarke nodded as Abby pulled her away. She stopped short and turned to him and called out.

“I do still.” The heat had risen to her face and she turned on her heel and left with her mom.

Bellamy stood there, not knowing how to react or how to feel. When he turned back to his group of friends they all had scattered to dance or socialize but Gina sat there staring at him, clearly upset. 

She stood up from her seat and stormed out of the yard to the front of the house. Bellamy started to run after her.

Bellamy caught up to Gina in the front yard of the house.

“Where are you going?”

“I just need to get out of here.”

He grabbed onto her shoulder and turned her around, “Talk to me.”

Her eyes filled up and she shook her head, “You still love her.”

He dropped his hand.

“Tell me. Tell me the truth.”

“I – I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bellamy come on! Ever since she’s come back, I’ve seen it. The stares, the touches, the closeness.”

“She’s my best friend.”

“Who you still love.”

Bellamy ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.

“I don’t. It’s just…I fell for her and then she left me like I was some fool..And I- I pushed all those feelings aside because I was so mad at her. Now that she’s back it’s like all those weird feelings are like ‘oh hey there’s Clarke’ but Gina…I love YOU, I’m marrying YOU. I can’t take back my past, I can’t fix what I once felt.”

Gina nodded wiping away a tear from her eye, she played with a hem on her dress and they sat in silence for a few more minutes.

“I think you need to figure it out.”

“Figure what out?” he says softly.

“Your feelings for her..I don’t want to marry you if there is so much unresolved that could end up hurting me later.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“We take a break.”

“No, Gina. That’s fucking stupid. You’re either with me or you’re not.”

“Then I’m not.”

Bellamy swallowed hard and moved in closer to her shaking his head.

“I think for right now I just need a break while you figure it out too,” she looked down at her feet and pulled away when he tried to pull her in. He didn’t know what else to say but before he could she left. 

He didn’t want to go back to the party so he dropped a quick text in the group that he was turning in, got in his jeep, and took a drive before going back to his place once he knew Gina had cleared out.


	15. Love Like This(Acoustic) - Kodaline

The hangover was real. After everyone got enough alcohol in their system the wedding reception was a hit and everyone had the time of their life. They had all agreed to go out to breakfast the next morning so they could reminisce about all the fun they had. Bellamy had bailed last night and as Clarke kept glancing up at the door of the diner it looked like he was bailing on this too. 

They were all sat around the biggest table filling their alcohol soaked stomachs the best they could. Octavia was looking at her phone, frustrated and Lincoln kept rubbing her arm almost to comfort her.

“Octavia, what’s with you?” Harper questioned after taking a sip from her juice.

“My brother is one wording me and being a dick.” They all laughed softly except for Miller. Clarke eyed him curiously and nodded in his direction.

Octavia followed her gaze, “Miller…why are you so quiet this morning?”

“No reason.” He shook his head and shrugged. Octavia glared at him and he sighed looking around the table.

“Gina kinda left Bellamy last night…” 

“Left…how?” Monty asked.

“I don’t know. She like left left. I didn’t get much of the details when I got home.” Miller shrugged.

Clarke set down her fork and held her hands in her lap. Her stomach dropped and her appetite flew out the window.

“Oh god,” Octavia stood up and grabbed Lincoln’s arm pulling him towards the door. He threw some money down and they were gone. Everyone silently looked around and ate the rest of their food.

\---

It had been almost a week since Gina had left him Marcus and Abby’s. He couldn’t say he was exactly miserable, but he wasn’t pleased either. Octavia came over every day to make sure he was taking care of himself. And honestly he was, it bothered him that it didn’t hurt him as much as it should. He did try getting in contact with Gina but when she wouldn’t answer he let it go. He was just confused because their wedding was set for October, two months from now, and right now he didn’t know what he should be telling the people they invited.

Saturday night had Miller and Bellamy planted in front of the couch playing video games. Miller had been quiet about everything but Bellamy knew he was there if he needed to talk. And tonight was no different until..

“Have you talked to Clarke?” Bellamy looked over to see Miller looking back. Truth be told he hadn’t talked to any of their friends since it happened only because he was just confused about it all. The last person he needed to talk to was the girl who basically broke them up. 

Bellamy shook his head and looked back at the game. He could still feel Miller’s eyes on him.  
“If you’ve got something to say Miller, say it.”

“It’s just…since she’s been back you’ve been trying to figure out all these unresolved feelings and now…” Miller shrugs and Bellamy gives him a look to continue.

“Now?”

“Now, Gina told you to figure those out. So tell me…why aren’t you over at Clarkes right now figuring your shit out?” Miller leans back into the couch.

Bellamy shakes his head almost amused.

“I’m just saying man, I’m sure she would like to you know…figure it out too.”

Bellamy sat and thought for a few seconds, he looked over at Miller who just smiled. Then he got up quick and grabbed his keys, heading for the door. “I’ll be back.” The door slammed shut behind him.

Miller put his feet up on the coffee table and smirked to himself. He may have been the worst best man ever, but he just couldn’t help himself.

\---

Clarke kept clicking her phone’s display on, hoping he would just try to get ahold of her. If they were going to be friends again she’d like him to come to her like old times, but maybe she was just pushing her luck. 

She shut the television off in front of her and headed towards her bedroom when there was a knock on the door. She walked over to it, opening it to see Bellamy standing on the other side. She was relieved. 

She smiled, “Hey stranger.”

“Is Raven here?” He asked, his voice hitching a little.

Clarke shook her head no, and Bellamy nodded. He reached for her, grabbing her face with his hands and kissed her hard.

She was taken by surprised but couldn’t help herself to melt into his lips and kiss him back passionately. She grabbed the front of his shirt pulling him closer to her and inside the door. He kicked it shut behind him.

He pulled away for a second just to look at her; he grabbed the ends of his shirt and slowly pulled it up and over his head. Clarke sucked in a breath and he leaned in to kiss her again. Her hands ran over his chest, up his neck, and into his mess of curls where she tugged gently letting his tongue slip into her own.

He led her back into her bedroom slowly, slipping off her shorts in the process. She backed into her bed and crawled backwards to make room for him. She slid her shirt off and tossed it, pulling him down on top of her buy his waistband. He kissed down her jaw to her neck, sucking gently on her sensitive skin. She let a moan pass through her lips.

He pushed his hardness up against her thigh; she wrapped her legs around him. He kissed down to her chest, reaching behind her to unhook her bra quickly letting one of her free tits fill his mouth. 

She loved every touch more than she ever imagined but she couldn’t wait to have him inside her any longer. She tugged him up and he looked at her. She leaned forward to capture his lips with hers again. He reached down, understanding, and slipped a finger under the strap of her thong and pulled it off her long legs.

She started fumbling with his pants, and they both laughed softly against each other’s lips. When they were both finally undressed Bellamy stared into her eyes and stroked her cheek gently with his thumb. She bit her lip forcing her smile away. She broke free from him for a second to grab a condom out of her nightstand.

He slipped it on and pressed his lips against hers again, she wrapped her arms around his neck never wanting to let go. One of his hands slid down her body, grabbing her thigh and pushing it up a little. He slid his length into her warmth slowly. She tensed around him and he kissed her softly to ease her. 

Clarke sighed against his mouth and he filled her up slowly letting her get use to his size. She grinded her hips into his and he laughed softly nodding his head. He started thrusting in and out of her and she leaned her head back, her chest rising as she took deep breaths. He kissed his way down to her breasts again still pushing into her, getting a little harder each time.

Clarke had begged for more from him and he slammed into her while she dug her nails into his tan skin. He couldn’t keep his lips off her, kissing her when and where he could. When she moaned his name softly it drove him mad until they finished together. Her pussy clenched around his cock and he unraveled inside of her.

They lay there for a second, trying to catch their breaths. He eventually slipped off of her and tossed the condom. He lay back in bed beside her and she covered her face to keep him from seeing her smiled. He laughed softly pulling at her arms so she was closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. They didn’t speak, but they didn’t need to. They laid that way, wrapped in each other, until they fell asleep.


	16. I Found - Amber Run

Clarke had trouble falling asleep. She kept glancing up at Bellamy who had knocked out hours ago after they just held each other. She sighed softly and managed to slip out of his arms carefully and out of bed. She slid on a large shirt that covered most of her and stepped out into the common area. 

The pit in her stomach grew by the minute and she felt so trapped in her mind about what had just happened hours ago. Bellamy showing up at her door was something of her dreams....sleeping with him was literally everything she could’ve wanted. Things weren’t that easy though and she knew that things with Gina couldn’t have been settled that fast. Was she the rebound? Clarke wrapped her arms around her stomach.

She stepped out on her back balcony to take in some fresh air as reality hit her. She did it again. She had successfully made herself the other woman again without even trying. A tear slipped down her cheek. How could she do this again? How could he do this to her again? 

She heard the door slide open behind her and she kept her eyes straight ahead. 

“What’re you doing out here it’s three in the morning?” Bellamy wrapped his warm arms around her and kissed her neck softly. She winced and pushed herself from his arms. 

“Clarke?” She bit back some more tears and shook her head. 

“How could you do that to me again?”

“Woah woah what’re we talking about here?!” Bellamy stepped closer and she sighed heavily. 

“Gina...”

“Gina what, Clarke?” 

“You’re supposed to be marrying her Bellamy not sleeping with me!” 

Bellamy’s voice softened, “I know...I should’ve talked to you first about everything but when I saw you I couldn’t...I couldn’t not kiss you. Clarke I came here to figure it all out and-“

“No...you came here to get your fix because your fiancé left you in the dust.” Her face turned red and he shook his head frantically. 

“No Clarke...she left me because of you because...she knew that I-I feel something towards you.” 

“So what you came here to mess with my feelings to see if what you were feeling was correct? What would’ve happened if you weren’t right? Would you just go back to her?? Is the wedding even off?” 

Bellamy sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“The wedding isn’t even off?!” Clarke couldn’t help the tears streaming down her face now. 

“Clarke I-“

“You made me the other woman again Bellamy.” Bellamy winced, thinking back on her past. “You made me into someone I never wanted to be...again!” 

He reached for her and she pushed past him inside. “I need you to leave.”

“No Clarke come on let’s just talk about this.” 

“Get out!” She yelled and he sucked in a breath. “I literally can’t even look at you right now please just get the fuck away from me Bellamy.” 

Bellamy’s eyes teared up as he finished getting completely dressed and he hesitated at the door. “I never meant for this to happen Clarke..”

“Yeah and I should’ve never came home.”


End file.
